[Unincorporated] The Hole Team

There are no mysterious holes on the ships. Every crack, crevasse, and empty space is there, has always been there, and will always be there. Each and every one has been painstakingly documented. This documentation was, of course, a redundancy effort, since all these spots where nothing exists were always planned from the start. Leave them alone.

The Hole Team is:
Leah Cardenas 
Chase Guthrie Knueven
James Allen 
Ellis MacMillan 
Joe Hansen 
Katie Ploetz 
Julia Wilkinson 
REDACTED
Monte D. Monteleagre  
Alexander Wolfe  

inc: The Podcast is a production of Wolf Mountain Workshop.  

https://www.redbubble.com/people/incthepodcast/shop

Transcript

Episode  [[REDACTED]] - The Hole Team

Prologue

Ambient sounds of horror slowly fill the listeners ears. 

A long-dead Incorporation Ship drifts endlessly through space. 

Somewhere within the massive hull a crackling speaker finds a bit of life left inside itself, playing the last message it will ever play. 

The message crackles and cuts away repeatedly, its ability to exist distorted by the very space that it must exist within. 

ANNOUNCEMENTS: ………………For starters, there are no mysterious holes on the ship. Every crack, crevasse, and hole is there, has always been there, and will always be there. Each and every one has been painstakingly documented. This documentation was, of course, a redundancy effort, since all these holes had been planned from the start. However, if a hole is mysterious TO YOU, do not stick any part of your body into it for any reason. Disciplinarians on the ship have been instructed, “the holes deal their own punishments.” Productivity is happiness. 

The final three words ring out clearly, and all sound fades away for a single moment of silence. 

Movement The First

In that silence we hear a tape put into a recorder and started.

AUDREY:(Sporting a bit of southern twang, but classy) Only one thing down a hole, and it hasn’t stopped breathing in me since.

A beautiful electronic version of something like a piano plays whenever the ROBO-ARCHIVIST speaks.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Recorded testimony of Corporal Audrey, Hole Team 2nd in Command, survivor. Audio acquired during official debrief of The First Delve. Audio deletion attempted. Audio deletion overruled.

A button is pressed and the tape fast forwards a little ways, stopping in the middle of AUDREY’S interview. AUDREY is incredibly calm, entirely pleasant, and because of what AUDREY saw they know how little any of this matters.

AUDREY: Say that again?

INTERVIEWER: Audrey.

AUDREY: It sounds familiar.

INTERVIEWER: It’s your name. Audrey. Is. Your. Name.

AUDREY: No.

INTERVIEWER: Yes. All your life.

AUDREY: My life is in the holes.

INTERVIEWER: (Slightly losing their temper) You’ve been told to stop saying that, it’s been recorded. We need new information, Audrey. We’ve prepared a boring needle if you need another marrow injection to help you remember.

AUDREY: I don’t know if Audrey lies, but I don’t.

INTERVIEWER: Inject them. 

A dentist drill whines and begins to bore.

INTERVIEWER: The truth is that you were in the hole less than a minute. We have video evidence. People were watching you the whole time.

AUDREY: Truth is a funny thing.

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: On REDACTED, a starship owned by the REDACTED Company, during the first quarter of the fiscal cycle, 87 completely un-identical holes appeared in and around the ship. They went unnoticed for between 3 and 7 days, and at the time of this recording have been involved in the deaths of over 900 crewmembers. In response, a small offshoot of the Department of Poly-Entropic Studies was created. They were, and are, known as The Hole Team. Currently, The Hole Team has a 92% casualty rate within the first year of service. This is seen as an improvement over previous years. 

AUDREY: Apparently I’m Audrey. And what do we all know about Audrey? Audrey goes in holes.That ain’t no hole you got there. That there’s a doorway if I ever seen one.

Small pause. The tape recording is stopped and the tape is removed. 

Movement The Second

A small click and the sound of an old projector begins to play CARMEN’S interview. CARMEN is consistently holding back tears due to what happened in the Holes and how they have dealt with it since. 

CARMEN: And I just talk and it all gets recorded?

INTERVIEWER: Yes, this is the 8th time you’ve done this, it works the same every time.

CARMEN: And I just talk and it all gets recorded?

INTERVIEWER: 9 times. Can we get started?

CARMEN: Yeah, absolutely, just one quick thing, so I just talk and it all gets recorded?

INTERVIEWER: (Audibly standing up and leaving) It’s wearing off too fast. We need to make more of an impact. Tell the team to stop sharpening the needles and widen the boring equipment. Nothing is working anymore. 

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Recorded testimony of Carmen, Hole Team Director of Scientific Oversight,  survivor. Audio acquired during official debrief of The First Delve. Audio deletion attempted and successful. Audio deletion attempted and successful. Audio deletion attempted and successful. 

Audio deletion attempted and successful. 

CARMEN: I think I was maybe twenty cycles old the first time I saw their face in my dreams. This is being recorded? It all gets recorded?

INTERVIEWER: Yes. Please answer the questions.

CARMEN: I cried. This is being recorded, right?

INTERVIEWER: It is being recorded. We just want to know where you hid the umbilical cord.

CARMEN: I don’t think I ever stopped crying. This is on record? This is being recorded?

INTERVIEWER: Please. We’ve found the rest of them. We just need the last piece. 

CARMEN: I’m crying now. Did you get that? I’m crying now. Make sure you got that part. Is it recorded? This is all being recorded? I can’t stop the crying. I don’t want to cry because it hurts me when I cry now but I can’t stop it. We’re recording this, right? This is all being recorded? We’re getting all this?  I know it won’t stop. We’re getting this, right? I can’t stop it no matter how much I try to, because this is all being recorded, right? This is all on record? It never stops.

Silence. A sniffle. 

INTERVIEWER: Carmen, nobody ever saw you cry before you went in the hole.

Small pause. 

CARMEN: But you’re recording this, right?

We hear the projector stop.

Brief silence.

Movement The Third

In the silence, a needle is dropped onto an old phonograph and SANJAY’S interview begins. SANJAY isn’t worried about the Holes, despite being covered in them. 

The mysterious sounds of pumping and buzzing life support can barely be heard underneath the dialogue.

SANJAY: They’re just holes. They lead to other parts of the ship. It’s a big ship. It’s flying through space at the speed of light, if not faster, holes are going to happen.

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Recorded testimony of Sanjay, Human Resources Liaison to The Hole Team,  deceased at time of recording.  Audio preserved ad infinitum by REDACTED. 

SANJAY: I’ve been in dozens of the holes, on the clock and off the clock. There’s one in my quarters, bout the size of a nickel.  They’re just holes.

INTERVIEWER: We have a lot of data saying that they aren’t.

SANJAY: Yeah, from the looney bin. Have you seen the People on the hole team? It’s a madhouse.

INTERVIEWER: Sanjay, we’re getting off topic. Can you please answer the question?

SANJAY: What was the question again?

INTERVIEWER: What happened to all your skin?

SANJAY: They’re just holes. Holes happen. That’s what happens. Holes.

Small pause.

SANJAY: It’s just holes. Holes are going to happen.

The needle is taken off the phonograph.

Movement The Fourth

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Standard Briefing Session 5 of 7 in preparation for delve 13, Subjects are Privates Joe, Katie, Chase and REDACTED. Full drug panel administered approximately 90 minutes before standard briefing session. Guards per door increased to 3 after incident REDACTED. Tea was not available during this briefing session, but was supplied upon completion.

Sci-fi beeping lets us know the recording has begun the recording of JOE, KATIE, CHASE, and [[REDACTED]]. JOE has had an emotional inhibitor installed. KATIE is having a psychedelic reaction to the drug panel. CHASE is only delving to pay for the funeral of a sibling, and is a bit anxious. [[REDACTED]] is not discussed much. 

INTERVIEWER: How would you, in your own words, describe your ability to experience happiness?

JOE: I don’t understand.

KATIE: This room is smaller every time I open my eyes.

CHASE: It feels like happiness. That’s why we have a word for it.

INTERVIEWER: Can you speak on that more, Chase?

CHASE: We have a word for happiness so we don’t have to answer questions like this.

INTERVIEWER: And how would you, in your own words, describe your experience of describing your ability to experience happiness?

CHASE: I would say I’m feeling incredibly anxious right now.

JOE: I still do not understand. 

KATIE: Is that true, it smells true…

A white static screech in the rhythm of speech from [[REDACTED]].

KATIE: That’s exactly what I was thinking. Also, has anyone seen my eyes? I’m looking for them, but I can’t see them.

INTERVIEW: Katie, how would you, in your own words, describe your experience sharing descriptions of your experience describing your ability to experience happiness?

KATIE: Every cell in my body is breathing.

INTERVIEWER: Do you mean right now, or when sharing descriptions of your experience describing your ability to experience happiness?

KATIE: Both, I suppose.

INTERVIEWER: Interesting, And you?

A white static screech from [[REDACTED]].

CHASE: Do I have to go on a delve with that one? They’re freaking me out.

INTERVIEWER: Yes, we found that delves of four members have the highest survival rate.

JOE: I’ll vouch for them.

CHASE: Why?

JOE: Call it a good feeling.

CHASE: Great, the one with the emotion inhibitor is telling me they have a good feeling. Katie, tell this interviewer what you think of the freak.

KATIE: I remember them from later.

CHASE: Guess dying in a hole is genetic, then. See you soon, siblings. Lucky number thirteen.

INTERVIEWER: Would you recognize your own reflection if it were smiling?

JOE: No.

CHASE: No.

KATIE: I really want to, but I think I’d hate them.

A white static screech from [[REDACTED]].

CHASE: Why are you asking these questions?

INTERVIEWER: We are attempting to find a correlation between your ability to access and interpret your inter-emotional state prior to your delve with the amount of measurable mental degradation in the following 10 days. Standard insurance form F9-2.

CHASE: So this team is Joe, who has an inhibitor chip, Katie, who’s having a visible allergic reaction to the drug panel, me, who is vibrating with anxiety, and that freak?

INTERVIEWER: We find that degrading your team prior to the delve reduces survivability. Although interestingly, not as much as was previously hypothesized. 

CHASE: You don’t talk to me about degradation. 

KATIE: We’ve all been talking to the holes. To help them grow.

JOE: No.

KATIE: Okay.

JOE: I volunteered to go on this delve to cover the cost of my chip. I don’t regret it.

CHASE: I did to cover the funeral expenses for my older sibling, just like they did for their older sibling, and so on. I’ve got a younger sibling so I should be covered. They’re screwed, though.

A white static screech from [[REDACTED]].

KATIE: You can’t make up for everything you’ve done with a few words. When the room gets smaller, you get closer to me.

INTERVIEWER: Final question, if you could each just attach the ocular probe.

ASMR squish.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you. Now, how many of you have been dreaming about the infinite orb?

Four slow ASMR squishes in a row, the last one weird sounding.

INTERVIEWER: And how many of you have seen what happens when it consumes the fourteenth child?

Four excruciating ASMR squishes, the last one weird sounding.

INTERVIEWER: And how many of you know that love conquers all?

Silence.

INTERVIEWER: Excellent. You may now remove your probes. Please wipe them upon removal, in preparation for the next briefing.

A cacophony of ASMR nonsense.

INTERVIEWER: Please have your obituaries approved by our next standard briefing session, and don’t forget, any communication with Persons or People not part of The Hole Team is punishable by the removal of certain privileges, like hope and skin. 

A short silence.

Movement The Fifth

A lonely acoustic guitar plays a sadly hopeful melody, a la “The Outer Wilds”, which eventually fades into the crackling of a campfire, which will continue throughout the following monologue. The guitar may reappear occasionally.

CLAUDIO: I pressed my arm against it. That’s all it took. Guess I had a rip in the suit. Gonna try my best to upload a memory dump to all of you. What I think I can get out anyways. You’d think it’d be clearer what you want but it…I dunno. My elbow hurts, I think. Joint got that weird arthritis and I see what they were talking about when they talked about the itching in your bones. I dunno. I think they’re my bones, at least. Gotta dump the memories. Before they’re gone.

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Hole Delve 54 Recovered Recordings, Alpha Foxx Team Field Artist Claudio, Recordings were etched on the inside of an irregularly shaped jar found mailed to the warehouse-computation ship which is rumored to house a piece of the Robo-Archivist. The recording is played by spinning a needle attached to a modified antique drill press and was coaxed into digitization over the course of 9 years and a single month. The jar was recovered by a now-nameless computational servant. To date, no recording medium except for the jar has been found. 

CLAUDIO: That’s the thing they never told you when you were getting ready to do all this stuff. Every ship has got holes. You can see ‘em sometimes, through the little ones if they’re clear enough. You wouldn’t believe what they do on some of the other ships. I seen it. I seen a, uh, I seen, I saw, I saw a… My elbow hurts. I think. 

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Symptoms: Memory loss, memory gain, personality deterioration, skeletal atrophy, generalized physical abnormalities, a non-standard sense of longing, intense thirst, a sense of connection with all that is, was, and will be, restless leg syndrome, misplaced empathy,  multiple hip syndrome, blood discoloration, the fanciest of fevers, an almost imperceptible attraction to certain immoral shades of purple, acute cibophobia, documentation of hauntings, desire to emulate a standard passenger train, their eyes look different, nobody speaks to me anymore they only scream, up to three separate pimples, I love you, death and what lies beyond death.

CLAUDIO: They make us wear watches, for some reason. The thing didn’t work even before… before… I remember a swing set but I’m not exactly sure what a swing set is. The watch didn’t work before it started to melt. I usually don’t wear a watch, I don’t see the point if I’m always on the clock, but… did you know that planetside they undercook meat on purpose? They say it tastes better. I just don’t understand it. Not that you’d do it if it was against the rules, but you have the choice, and you don’t do what the corpo does. I just don’t get it. That’s so many choices every day that you’re opening yourself up to. How does anybody stay sane? How does anybody get anything done? And they’re the successful ones! Wow. Wow, it’s true, you can feel it. You can feel it eating your memories. Why did it skip that one? I didn’t want to keep that one.

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: The symptom list was updated following the discovery and transfer of this recording to digital format. The previous update was completed automatically by the Robo-Archivist. Current status of next update: pending approval by Robo-Archivist. Last known status of pending approval: 4 cycles ago. Attempts to override the update process: 98,834. Attempts made by the Robo-Archivist: 0.

Previous override attempted by Jacklynn under the authority the of the Bureau of Cosmic Misunderstanding. Status of Jacklynn: Deceased. Status of the Bureau of Cosmic Misunderstanding: Currently missing. Other override attempts of note: Nathan, Department of Transport and Hall Coverings, Overall Management-trainee, deceased. Victor, The Hands Collective, deceased. Zachariah, Stone Corp, deceased. Irina, acting of their own volition, recovered by next of kin mostly intact.   

CLAUDIO: And I heard people talk about things they regretted, about babies they yelled at and about people they hurt, and how they blamed everybody but themselves, right up until the end. And I hear people talk about the things they wished they could’ve done, like step on a planet for once, or have their Caretaker killed, or eaten more fried dough balls than any other person in Accounting over the course of that fiscal semester. And I heard people talk about the people they wished I would remember.

I remember a swing set and I don’t know what a swing set is. 

I don’t know where I got all these photos to burn, but a few of them looked familiar.

I could’ve loved all these People and I’d never know it.

They might even be me.

Did you know there are shades of dark? That one right there, it’s rank 12 dark. It gets darker. That’s the fun thing about dark. It can always get darker. Maybe you can’t see it because you have rank 10 eyes, but it can always get darker.

Did you know that an endless expanse of darkness stretching out from a campfire at the center of the universe could get bigger? I just figured that out myself. I can see some rank 48 darkness out there that wasn’t there before.

Did you know that a swing set is… wait… I haven’t learned that yet.

Did you know that some darkness you can see, even after it’s taken your eyes?

Something like a piano plays.

ROBO-ARCHIVIST: The Robo-Archivist System is a universally recognized and pervasive filing system.

The system acts independently of any state, planet, corporation, organization, or mortal timeline. The system can and will file what needs to be filed at the discretion of the Robo-Archivist. The information contained within the Robo-Archivist cannot be altered by any external means. 

The Robo-Archivist system is known and used in 73% of all civilizations. To date, it has been accused of 8 major intergalactic war crimes, 45 treaty violations, 23 acts of terrorism, both domestic and otherwise, and countless acts of bribery. It is the 3rd most popular candidate for most official offices within its controlled territory.

CLAUDIO: A swing set is something that squeaks when the wind picks up.

A brief interlude. The campfire dies down.

 Epilogue

There is a brief silence.

GEORGE: Listen, I am the owner of this company and these ships. There are no mysterious holes on the ships. Every crack, crevasse, and empty space is there, has always been there, and will always be there. Each and every one has been painstakingly documented. This documentation was, of course, a redundancy effort, since all these spots where nothing exists were always planned from the start. Leave them alone.

END.