1-9 Things Get Worse

In which Bethany is talked into helping Jonas understand a particularly depressing EBI story.  

inc: The Podcast is:  
Allyson Levine as Bethany  
Raimy O. Washington as Jonas  
Leah Cardenas (@leahgabrielle____) as The Announcements  
Ellis MacMillan (linktr.ee/mothscraps) as The Robo-Archivist  
Katie Ploetz as the Correspondence and Planetary Communication Officer 

inc: The Podcast is written, produced, and edited, by Monte D. Monteleagre and Alexander Wolfe, and is a production of Wolf Mountain Workshop.  For more information, or to contact them about other projects, they can be found at montedmonteleagre.com, and writingwolfe.com, respectively. 

Find us online at incthepodcast.buzzsprout.com for links to all our social media, or connect with us directly @incthepodcast, or at incthepodcast@gmail.com.  

Emotional support for inc: The Podcast is lovingly provided by: Birdie, Rodeo, Jewel and Sakura.

New episodes every other Monday. 

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Happiness is Productivity.  
Productivity is Happiness.  

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Transcript

Episode  9 - Things Get Worse
Intro
Theme Song.
The Theme fades into a brief section of the EulogyFourPaws coupled with some experimental electronic bits and repetition that doesn’t let the Eulogy get a good hold. 
A small pause.
The room tone fades in.

Scene 1
JONAS: This is Jonas from General Data Acquisition and Storage, repeat, this is Jonas from
General Data Acquisition and Storage. I’m trying to reach Sherry in Waste Waste Removal
System Removals. 
No, I’ve never called here before. 
Yes, I suppose I’m fairly new, although I think I’m settling in pretty well, I have a chair now, and everything. 
Well, when you put it that way I guess I don’t have everything. 
No, I wasn’t. 
No, no, I wasn’t aware that Sherry got caught in a Waste Waste Removal System Removal Mover System. Are they alright? 
No, I’ve never seen a Waste Waste Removal System Removal Mover System, why? 
Oh, they died. Okay, um, let me check something here quick. You just…enjoy whatever it is y’all do down there, it sounds exciting.

Small pause.

JONAS: Uh huh. Yup, that’s just what I thought. I swear, every day is the same around here…
BETHANY: Jonas.
JONAS: Yeah?
BETHANY: Just take out the trash.
JONAS: But the time it would take me to do that could be so much better spent on my new
project.
BETHANY: How long have you been trying to find another department to do it?
JONAS: About half a shift.
BETHANY: Oh that’s great, that’s gonna look real nice when they pull our communication logs
for this run and we’ve doubled our strategic allotment.
JONAS: Hey now, those were all incredibly important work-related calls that were only made so
plentiful by the inefficiency and lack of teamwork that the other departments have shown.
BETHANY: They couldn’t be work related Jonas, because I’m growing more and more
convinced that you might be psychologically incapable of making a work-related call. I’m
actually thinking of bringing in scientists about it. I wonder if you get a finders fee for a brand
new mental illness…?
JONAS: Probably only if you have it or name it.
BETHANY: Oh, well in that case TAKE OUT THE TRASH.
JONAS: Bethany...the project…
BETHANY: It’ll take 3 minutes at the most.
JONAS: I’ll have you know it’s a bigger project than that.
BETHANY: I’m not taking the bait.
JONAS: By saying that, you kinda took the bait.
BETHANY: Don’t you dare.
JONAS: Would you take out the trash?
BETHANY: Absolutely not.
JONAS: If I do it will you help me with my project?
BETHANY: …Maybe.
JONAS: Really?
BETHANY: Well there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?
JONAS: (Suspicious.) You’re not just saying that to get me to take out the trash, are you?
BETHANY: No.
JONAS: Oh, thank goodness.

Small pause.

BETHANY: I’ve given you the write up about believing me when I lie to you, it makes me
feel guilty. Yes, that’s absolutely what I’m saying that for, I’ve been very explicit about the trash.
JONAS: (Still suspicious.) Okay then...but I’m keeping an eye on you…

Fade out.

ANNOUNCER: Attention crew members, this is a wide ranging bulletin, repeat, attention
crewmembers, prepare for a wide ranging bulletin from the ship’s Correspondence and
Planetary Communication Officer.
CPCO: Attention crew. We’ve just received our monthly planetary communication dump, and I,
as always, am required to get your mail to you as quickly as is permitted to be possible. With
that said, the following crew members have letters and or packages from homes.
Silence.
CPCO: That will be all. Thank you.
Silence
CPCO: Is that it? Am I done? How do I- How do I get this thing out of my –
ANNOUNCER: The company is, was, and can always be, your family. Productivity is happiness.

Scene 2
BETHANY: Now, was that really so bad?
JONAS: It was terrible. It was short, but it was terrible. I never want to do it again.
BETHANY: We go through this every week, how have you not gotten used to this yet?
JONAS: Trauma builds, Bethany, trauma builds.
BETHANY: Oh no, you’re not starting down that road again. Trash accomplished, more work
awaits.
JONAS: That...is...horrendous.
BETHANY: That’s life.
JONAS: Life is horrendous.
BETHANY: Yes, but you still have to take out the trash sometimes.
JONAS: That’s just not fair in the slightest. Not at all.
BETHANY: That’s also life.
JONAS: So...about my project.
BETHANY: Damn it.
JONAS: You did say you might help.
BETHANY: I thought for one beautiful second that you might’ve forgotten about that.
JONAS: Oh come on, that’s a rookie mistake, you’re the one always telling me how dangerous it
is to have hope. Now, will you help?
BETHANY: What is it?
JONAS: You don’t trust me?
BETHANY: Not the smallest bit, Jonas, now what’s your damn project?
JONAS: Okay, so the folder, right?
BETHANY: Yeah?
JONAS: It’s a mess.
BETHANY: How can it be a mess? It’s a big folder. Starts at the beginning, goes until the end.
Simple.
JONAS: Okay, not a literal mess, but it’s terrible to look through. Nothing is cataloged. Nothing is
organized.
BETHANY: It’s organized, it’s all in order! There is an organization system.
JONAS: Yeah, by date of input, not by any sort of useful metric.
BETHANY: Who’s using it? It’s not even meant to be used. It’s just meant to sit and be forgotten
about.
JONAS: Yeah, but that’s not what’s happening, I’m using it and it’s driving me nuts, so I’m
cataloging things as well as scanning them onto an extra drive we had lying around. You know,
giving each a title, a few searchable terms. That kind of stuff.
BETHANY: Is that why the new scanner has been smoking more than usual?
JONAS: No, that’s because it’s a stupid piece of junk that tries to test me at every moment. But
anyways, yeah, that’s pretty much the project. Wanna help?
BETHANY: Jonas, I’m not cataloging the Extraneous But Interesting Folder, that sounds like an
awful time.
JONAS: I’m not even asking you too.
BETHANY: Good. Now how about you tell me what you are asking me to do.
JONAS: Okay, so, like I said, I’m giving each of them a name, keeping the date of upload,
keeping the original finder if that data was still available, a few keywords about things that
happen in the file, and a sort of overall “What’s it all about?-type statement to wrap things up.
And with most of them it’s really easy, but I’ve got this one that...I just can’t figure out what the
hell it’s about.
BETHANY: Jonas, please tell me you aren’t uploading illicit data to the company-wide computer
network with my name attached to it.
JONAS: Not at all. It’s like an E-book.
BETHANY: I’ve never seen an E-book you can edit.
JONAS: No, it’s like an E-book. A fancy E-book. Own personal network.
BETHANY: That sounds expensive.
JONAS: It was a gift.
BETHANY: Aw, you still got mail? That’s not fair…
JONAS: Special priority for this project. So can you help me figure out the story?
BETHANY: Okay. Okay, yeah, actually, I could do that. Which file?
JONAS: I actually sent it to your mailbox.
BETHANY: My mailbox is on my desk, Jonas, and it’s empty.
JONAS: Not that mailbox, Bethany.
BETHANY: I don’t check my non-physical mailbox anymore.
JONAS: You do now.

Old creaky typing sounds.

BETHANY: Is it this one that’s tagged, “Confusing and really irritating?”
JONAS: I was up a little late when I sent that, I had a lot of those generic sleeping intoxicants
that you gave me cuz they clashed with your anxiety meds and I thought I was being rather
kind, actually, all things considered.
BETHANY: I’m pretty sure I told you to throw those away.
JONAS: You told me to get rid of them, but never specified how or when. And now, they are all
gone.
BETHANY: You are an aggravating mystery Jonas. Okay, let’s check this out. Oh...you
didn’t...you sent an audio file? You couldn’t just send it in text form?
JONAS: Audio was the only way to express my confusion and irritation, listen:
RECORDING JONAS: (Intoxicated.) I am confused and irritated.
JONAS: See?
BETHANY: Hush, I can’t have two of you talking at me at once, there aren’t enough pills in the
universe for that. And I should know. I was pen pals once with somebody that kept track of that
sort of thing. So just… all done.
RECORDING JONAS: (Intoxicated.) So...so I’m lookin’ at the E-But-I File, that’s what us cool
kids are calling it these days--
JONAS: I swear that was the sleeping pills.

2.1

RECORDING JONAS: --And I happen upon this lil’ story right here. This little one. Right here.
That I’m looking at. And showing you. 
(Paper gets rubbed onto the microphone.) 
Nevermind.
This is audio. Should’ve done video. Too much work right now, gotta keep it together. 
What...am I doing with my life?
No!
No, gotta focus. The story.
So there’s this domesticated house pet, on this really rocky planet that also has the odd
distinction of being in the top 3rd percentile for species that routinely form vestigial tails that lead
to either extreme social ostrich-eyed… obelisk pies… that lead to social obstetrician …. Social
obstetrician or incredible sexual prowess. Which doesn’t really pertain to this much if I’m honest.
So there’s this species that’s usually a house pet, but this one is, you know, like, a stray
one. And it’s hanging out near this family unit that has an offspring that feeds it occasionally.
And the whole family likes it. Picturesque. Beautiful. They’re nice. They’re really nice. I like
them. They would never obstetrician-ize anyone socially.
Unfortunately, a massive storm dumps a ton of water over the entire area, which
coincides with a massive earthquake (I checked and the probability of these two natural
disasters occurring at the same time in the same place and that place being inhabited is
something in the tall hundred millions to one). 
So you’ve got crazy flooding, earthquake damage, mudslides, all that craziness. And like, I know it doesn’t always happen, but doesn’t it feel like it always happens where this stuff hits nice families and stuff. Buncha…buncha space dookie if you ask me. 
Why doesn’t anybody ever ask me stuff? Ask me anything, right now.
No, Jonas, story. Story, Jonas.
Family survives, and the stray pet survives too, which seems like a miracle. I couldn’t get
accurate odds calculated on that one, but it’s gotta be pretty high. But sadly, the family has to
leave. Most of the area around them has been obliterated, and they didn’t live in a very wealthy
area of this planet to begin with. They end up in this ramshackle collection of buildings where what they call their government is housing everybody who lost their homes --

2.2

BETHANY: Can you pause that?
JONAS: Yeah. (JONAS pauses it.) Why?
BETHANY: I don’t remember this one.
JONAS: Not surprising, there’s tens of millions of entries.
BETHANY: No, but I have a good memory, and even if I don’t always remember every detail, I
can always remember bits and pieces after I read a little bit of it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard this
one.

Small pause.

JONAS: Can I play it now?
BETHANY: No, no, hold on, vaguely domesticated stray pet, a horrible natural disaster
sequence, refugee housing… I just don’t remember this one. That’s...huh. I wonder when, or, I
dunno… Why would they…?
JONAS: Are you okay?
BETHANY: Of course I’m okay, I’m just trying to remember...nevermind. Nevermind. Play it.
JONAS: You sure?
BETHANY: Yeah, it’s fine, play it. Back it up a tiny bit, but play it.

2.3

RECORDING JONAS: They end up in this ramshackle collection of buildings where what they
call their government is housing everybody who lost their homes, are trying to find family
members, need medical care, all that stuff. It’s bad, it’s real bad. Dirty, crowded, everybody is
sick, nobody knows what they’re doing next. And to top it all off, they don’t even really know the
area. The destruction was so widespread that they’re essentially on the other side of the little
landmass they lived on. Hours and hours over the terrain to get there, very primitive combustion
engines, you know, and relying on live drivers, because, well, they’re a primitive little planet,
aren’t they?
And there’s this little stray that has absolutely no idea what’s going on, just knows that
something went wrong with the world and it needed to hide and wait it out for a while. Which it
did. Which is pretty amazing, but I think I already said that.
Where am I? 
Oh no, I lost my place. 
Oh now I bumped the recording screen! 
Why is everything always a touch screen? 
And now I’m in the menu somehow…I don’t even know if
this piece of absolute garbage is still recording… Adaptive and consumer-positive tech, huh?
I’d say the gunk I’m still digging out of my gills is more adaptive and consumer pos–

2.4

JONAS pauses the recording.

JONAS: There might be a couple of those little outbursts in here too, we’ll just skip past that, my
bad.
RECORDING JONAS: --and I said if you wanna get me on a ship, you’re gonna have to tie me
up and do several naughty--
JONAS: And we’ll just keep on going past that.
RECORDING JONAS: --said that they were the boss, and I said well I’m gonna take that job
and shove it so far up your--
JONAS: The generic sleeping intoxicants were stronger than I remember them, I guess.
BETHANY: Yeah, most people don’t take all of them in one sitting.
JONAS: That’s why I choose the generic sleeping intoxicants you gave me instead of the
name-brand sleeping intoxicants that the medical people recommend. They might not work as
well for sleep, but getting off them only takes a month or two instead of years. Plus, you save
money. It just makes sense.
BETHANY: Yeah, Jonas, you’re the pinnacle of logic.

2.5

RECORDING JONAS: Found it! Hah! Take that, computer. Alright. 
This little stray kinda sorta pet-type thing is coming out of its little, safe, hiding spot, and it goes back to the little town where its friends were, but it’s gone. The whole town. Just rubble. Which smells very interesting to the stray, but it has a family to find. And in the way that some species do, this thing just seems to say, “whelp, better go find them I guess.” And it just sets off across the continent. 
I don’t think it could smell them or anything like that, I don’t think it was following a trail, I think it was just going by instinct, really.
And this thing just keeps going, and keeps going, and keeps going. Which is amazing,
because everything is so messed up around it, and all the other species are freaking out too, so
everything is on edge. Constantly having to scrounge around for food, fight to keep other things
away from it, trying to find water that isn’t mostly mud or slime or something even worse. And it
keeps going. It’s even going in vaguely the right direction too, another little miracle, and it’s
actually making some good time, for being on foot and all the other stuff.
Eventually this thing is just scratched up all over, limping, skinny, seeing the outline of
bones through the skin, it’s terrible. It makes me feel terrible even thinking about it, and I can’t
feel much right now, because I’m on druuuuugs! 
But it’s doing it! It’s winning! And eventually this thing hears, in the distance, a lot of vehicles. And it can smell on the wind, from miles away, the scent of a bunch of beings all crowded together in one place. And so it’s like, “hey, that must be where I need to go.” 
And it does.
In something like 2 weeks this thing has traveled miles and miles through some of the
worst conditions you could ask for, and here it is, only separated by a fence. It tries to go
through the gate, but the guards at the gate chase it off. Because, obviously they don’t want a
bunch of strays running around, they have enough problems. So this skinny thing just limps
around the outside of the fence over and over, because it knows, it knows for sure that this is
the place it needs to go.
After a few hours of this, it’s taking a break, laying down, when it smells something. It lifts
up its head and sniffs the air again, and yes, it’s absolutely sure now, it’s smelling the offspring
from the family unit, who’s walking on just the other side of the fence there, and hasn’t noticed.
So the little stray almost-pet lets out a happy barking sort of a noise, and the offspring
looks over, and it’s just tears. Immediate tears. Even through a fence, they’ve found each other
again. They each found their friend again.

(RECORDING JONAS lets out a sigh.)

You know sometimes I wonder if our species can even feel love like that anymore. We
must’ve been able to at some point, but anymore, I just don’t know. I sure never have. And I
don’t really feel like I can, you know, ask anybody else about it. There’s probably some rule
against it somewhere that I haven’t read...there’s rules against everything else, probably a rule
against talking about love too…

2.6

JONAS pauses the recording again.

JONAS: I thought I might’ve been imagining that I said that, and especially recorded it, but
nope. That’s...that’s embarrassing.
BETHANY: Is it, Love Expert?
JONAS: Oh yeah. Absolutely. One hundred percent.
BETHANY: Why?
JONAS: Well, uh, well, it’s...um, you know. It’s just a look into, I don’t know, a look into my, uh…
BETHANY: Insecurity?
JONAS: Yeah, a bit, I guess. But more than that. It’s a look into my...desire. I guess. I don’t think
that’s totally the right word, but it’s what comes to mind.
BETHANY: And you having a desire for something is embarrassing?
JONAS: Yes. You’ve said that on a number of occasions.
BETHANY: Since when do you listen to anything I say?
JONAS: Just...can’t I just skip forward a bit and we get back to the file?
BETHANY: After this. You’ve wanted things in the past, just look at how long you spent trying to
get somebody to do your job today. I saw a heck of a lot of desire in that and you sure weren’t
hiding it.
JONAS: It’s not the same.
BETHANY: Isn’t it, though? Sure seems like it from this angle.
JONAS: That’s all surface level stuff that doesn’t matter.
BETHANY: So it’s only embarrassing when it matters?
JONAS: Exactly, now you’re getting it. Okay, back to the --
BETHANY: No, no, keep going.
JONAS: Bethany…
BETHANY: (Mocking him a bit.) Jonas…
JONAS: Oh, that’s mature, very good.
BETHANY: You always want me to do this, now you. Open up. Why are you so embarrassed?
JONAS: You know. You learn something new, you say it’s cool. Later on you use that same thing
as an example of why I’m this or why I’m that or whatever. And then eventually I have to leave.
Again. Can I go back to the file now?
BETHANY: Yeah. Sure thing.

2.7

RECORDING JONAS: (A little less pill-overtaken.) 
And of course the offspring goes to get its parents, and they come over,
but they’re not happy. They’re not crying. They’re doing that thing that some adults of some
species do where they take a big moment of silence so they don’t say the wrong thing. The
offspring knows something is wrong. This isn’t the reunion that was expected. This isn’t how the
offspring thought it would go.
And...unfortunately, the parents of the offspring have to explain that food is a very limited
resource right now. They barely, and I mean barely, have enough to feed themselves. In fact,
some people have even taken to catching and eating some of the friendlier and slower of the
strays roaming around. And who can blame them? 
Everybody needs to eat. 
Everything is just food for something. 
The most ethical thing to do, they decide, is to drive it away. And it has to be
all of them, together. Their family is the reason this particular stray is near them, and sadly in
danger now. If they don’t all drive it off, it’ll keep coming back because it’ll think one of them still
loves it.

There is a pause as JONAS considers this next bit. Despite everything, it comes out perfectly sober. Almost too sober. Almost not even the JONAS we know. We get a little too much time to consider the following lines. 

The stray almost-pet doesn’t know what it did wrong when they start throwing rocks and
yelling at it. 

Pause.

They try not to hit it, but they have to make it seem real, and mistakes happen. 
Pause.

It’s confused and scared, and it runs off. And they have to repeat this every day for about a week.  Remember, this is a very determined stray almost-pet. It made it all the way here, after all. But eventually, it gets the message. It isn’t wanted. And it leaves.

Pause. A small piece of the JONAS we know returns.

The family survives. The stray survives. Everything works out about as good as you
could reasonably assume. But that stray almost-pet never went near that other species again, if
it could help it. And that offspring never got an actual pet for itself. 

Pause. 

And both of their lives were worse for it. 

Pause.

And then they were incorporated.

Final pause. Sober Story JONAS is gone. Pill JONAS is back. 

And that’s just it. And now I think I’m probably gonna fall asleep. I’ve had a lot of pills.
Lotta pills. Sleepy time.

Silence. The recording has ended.

Scene 3
JONAS: So.
BETHANY: So.
JONAS: It’s…uh…it’s not a happy one.
BETHANY: No, no it’s not. If that’s the question you had about categorizing it, I’m glad I could
help. Put it in the “not happy” pile.
JONAS: There’s no piles, that’s the whole poi–, no. No, I’m not letting you do this, you said you
would help and you’re not helping!
BETHANY: Geez, you tell one joke around here…

We almost see a bit of Too-Sober JONAS come out here too. 

JONAS: Well what’s it about, Bethany?
BETHANY: I don’t know. Bad things happen?
JONAS: That…no. Nope, unacceptable.
BETHANY: I don’t know, Jonas, that’s the first time I’ve heard the story as far as I can tell. I
didn’t put it in there, I didn’t know about it, I didn’t volunteer for this whole thing. I’m just here.
JONAS: Yeah, but you’re not even trying.
BETHANY: I just don’t care that much about this particular story.
JONAS: Yeah, well I just don’t care that much about this particular job, but you still make me try.
BETHANY: Don’t bring logic and fairness into this, those are my weapons.
JONAS: Distraction tactic.
BETHANY: …you’re getting too good at this. Fine. Okay. Fine. Um, at first glance it just seems
to be a meditation on things going wrong.

Small pause, and regular JONAS returns. 

JONAS: Yeah! That’s good, that’s good. But that’s not a very “what’s it all about?”-type of thing,
you know?
BETHANY: What do you think? Come on, teamwork.
JONAS: I think there’s a secret in it.
BETHANY: Why?
JONAS: Because I’d really like there to be a secret in it.
BETHANY: Okay…you know that doesn’t mean there is one, right?
JONAS: I know. But it seems like there should be.
BETHANY: Why?
JONAS: Because otherwise what’s the point of keeping something around that’s just sad and
gets worse and then kinda ends?
BETHANY: Maybe it meant something more to the person who found it.
JONAS: Huh. You think –
BETHANY: I’m not gonna get into it much more than this, I’m just gonna say that sometimes
when people aren’t having a good time they seek out even more misery.
JONAS: Yeah…yeah that makes sense. So that might be why it’s in the EBI to begin with, but
what does the story mean?
BETHANY: I dunno. Maybe it just means that sometimes bad things happen, and then they
keep happening until they don’t happen anymore. It doesn’t make you any better for it, it’s just
terrible. And then life goes on, different than it was before, worse in a lot of ways, but it goes on.
And you just go on too.

Small pause.

JONAS: This story bothers me. I just want it all to be worth something, you know?
BETHANY: It’s a story about pain and loss, Jonas. Those aren’t worth anything themselves,
they’re only valuable as a catalyst for something better.
JONAS: Huh.
BETHANY: Did that help at all?
JONAS: I don’t know.
BETHANY: Well, I feel like I’ve done my duty at least –
JONAS: Wait, no, one more thing!
BETHANY: Please make it small.
JONAS: I’m trying to think up a title for all of the ones that don’t have one yet.
BETHANY: And?
JONAS: And this one doesn’t have one yet, what should it be?
BETHANY: I don’t know, Jonas, “Things Get Worse”.

Bethany walks off.

JONAS: That’s a terrible title.