2-2 A(door)ing Family

In which Bethany and Jonas endure their first day of work in the Story Creation and Development Program.  

inc: The Podcast is:  
Allyson Levine as Bethany  
Raimy O. Washington as Jonas  
Leah Cardenas as the Intercom  
Ellis MacMillan as the Robo-Archivist  
James Allen as Sub-Director Jamison  
Katie Ploetz as Tomas  
Chase Guthrie Knueven as Jesse  
Joe Hanson as Desiree  
Jacob Pfeiffer as Nancy  
Stevie Faye as Over-Director Boris  

inc: The Podcast is written, produced, and edited, by Monte D. Monteleagre and Alexander Wolfe, and is a production of Wolf Mountain Workshop, which now has a Patreon! Join us at www.patreon.com/WolfMountainWorkshop to support our shows and get access to bonus content as well as our exclusive Discord: The Caves of Wolf Mountain.  

You can also find us on our website, https://www.wolfmountainworkshop.org/, which has links to all our socials along with more information about our shows, our merch, and whatever else we feel like putting there. Or you could reach out to us directly at wolfmountainworkshop@gmail.com.

Emotional support for inc: The Podcast is lovingly provided by: Birdie, Rodeo, Jasper, Luna, Artemis, Hazelnut, Gwyn, Jewel, Sakura, Gracie, Luna, Hazel, Kyo, Hamilton, Beau and The Slug. 

New episodes every other Monday. 

Ask yourself: how can M-E, work for me? 

Transcript

E2 D2 - A[door]ing Family
Theme Music.
Episode Theme. It’s an extremely pleasant wake-up alarm a la the least effective Apple Alarm.
INTERCOM: Hello and welcome to your first full day as a part of the Mental Ennervation
Colonies’ Story Creation and Development Program. I’m a complimentary and pleasant alarm,
thoughtfully deployed to ensure that you do not oversleep on your very first day. This process
will not be repeated, and you will, from now on, be responsible for choosing your own waking
times.
There is a mandatory morning gathering in the nearest assembly pod in 45 minutes,
where you will meet your fellow team-members as well as your personal Sub-Director of New
and Emerging Creativity.
A small and nutritious assortment of sweet and savory breakfast muffins has been
provided in your general working space. Please enjoy, and understand that this process will also
not be repeated, and you will be responsible for feeding or not feeding yourself as you deem
appropriate.
Once again, welcome, we’re proud to have you as part of the Story Creation and
Development Program. As one of approximately 30,000 new members of the Mental
Ennervation Colonies’ family we just know that you’re going to love it here, and as one of the 6
members of your local Story Creation and Development Pod, we just know that you’re going to
make us proud.
SCDP atmosphere noise. A door slides open.
JONAS: (With a yawn) Morning, Bethany. Whew, good thing about that alarm, huh? It wouldn’t
have looked too good to oversleep on my first day as the head honcho around here, that would
not be professional…
BETHANY: Yeah, now it’ll take them almost twice as long to figure out just how professional you
are…
JONAS: Geez, you’re grumpy this morning. Didn’t you sleep well? I thought it was pretty comfy,
you know with the complimentary lotions and all, even if it’s a bit small -
BETHANY: No, Jonas, I did not sleep well. In fact, I slept very poorly, because, (and I shouldn’t
even have to explain this,) you are apparently my supervisor or something now, and that’s a
fairly worrying scenario. On top of that, the only place I lived for over three quarters of my entire
life was recently incorporated, along with most everybody I knew or that knew me. So yeah,
lotta changes recently, if I’m honest. Lots to think about. Had a bit on my mind.
JONAS: Plus Patricia.
BETHANY: Yeah. (Pause.) Yeah. Plus…Patricia. Oh, and also I didn’t get lotions. Bad morning.
JONAS: You wanna know something weird?
BETHANY: Not really, Jonas. I just want to try to eat something and then we have to go to that
morning gathering thing.
JONAS: So, if they expected Patricia to be with us, why are there only two rooms attached to
this office?
BETHANY: I don’t know. I really don’t.
JONAS: It just seems weird. Like, shouldn’t there be a third office that just kinda stands eternally
barren as a constant reminder to us about the close friend and personal acquaintance that we
lost so suddenly?
BETHANY: You know, maybe they thought that was a bad idea.
JONAS: Huh. Maybe I’ll ask the boss. Wait, do I even have a boss?
BETHANY: Did you even listen to the intercom when it was waking you up, or did that just not
occur to you?
JONAS: I was picking out my most supervisory outfit - there was no time. Priorities, you know.
BETHANY: Jonas, we each have one outfit, and it’s the one we’ve been wearing since we got
off the incorporation ship.
JONAS: Yeah but I turned it inside out and shook it a bunch so I would smell better.
BETHANY: The battles you choose to fight amaze me. Anyways, yeah, I’m pretty sure you have
a boss, and I’m pretty sure it’s the Sub-Director of New and Emerging Creativity. And I’m also
pretty sure that if we don’t eat and figure out where this “nearest assembly pod” is, we’re gonna
be late and then we’ll both look bad.
JONAS: Bethany, as your competent and compassionate supervisor, I would never let that
happen to - oh, look, they made the muffins into little circles! That’s fun!
BETHANY: Oh yeah, they really nailed that hiring decision…
Fade out.
Music.
Fade in on the hallway outside of the Assembly Pod.
BETHANY: This has gotta be it, right? “Local Assembly Pod 1”? I swear you get used to
speaking lights leading you around and all of a sudden you rely on it…
JONAS: Gosh, it’s got a door too. The door budget in this place must be insane.
BETHANY: Lead the way, “boss”.
JONAS: Sarcasm is unattractive, Bethany, and it keeps people from advancing professionally.
The door slides open.
SUB-DIRECTOR: So kind of you two to join us, finally. Please have a seat around the table
here.
JONAS: I…I’m sorry, are we late? The intercom said 45 minutes…
SUB-DIRECTOR: Well of course, if your only metric for being on time is what you see on a
schedule, I suppose you’re not late. However, traditionally, in the creative arts, it is common to
arrive 5 to 10 minutes before a scheduled appointment, as a show of respect.
JONAS: I..I didn’t know that -
SUB-DIRECTOR: Granted it is the first day, but I don’t think I need to tell you, if you look
around, that you two seem to be the only ones caught out by this simple sign of respect for a
new position, a new home, a chance to do the type of work envied by billions…
JONAS: I really didn’t mean toSUB-DIRECTOR: And now instead of simply taking your seats and allowing this morning
gathering to begin, you choose to stand and splutter excuses at me.
JONAS: I justSUB-DIRECTOR: Find a seat please.
Pause. Seat noises.
BETHANY: (Whisper.) Very professional.
JONAS: (Defeated whisper.) Shut up, Bethany.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Now that that minor bit of unpleasantness has been cleared from our path, let
me say, just like I’m sure you’ve heard a million times by now, Welcome to the Mental
Ennervation Colonies’ Story Creation and Development Program. I know it must be a lot to take
in all at once, so to break up this experience into manageable little chunks, how about we start
with a little icebreaker exercise? Let’s all go around the table and say who we are, what our
team name is, and a cute little fun fact about where we came from.
I can start as an example for everyone, since some of the less-experienced amongst you
may need one. I’m Sub-Director Jamison, my fun fact is that I’ve been with the Mental
Ennervation Colonies for nearly as many cycles as I can remember, and I’m Team Everybody
Here, because, well, that’s my job.
JONAS: (Whisper) We were supposed to have a team name?
BETHANY: (Whisper.) Shut up, Jonas.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Team Alpha Alliance, why don’t you go ahead? You might as well, given that
the room records indicate you were here nearly 30 minutes early…
TOMAS: Hey, wassup, my name is Tomas and I’m the Senior Neophyte on Team Alpha
Alliance. (Small pause.) Introduce yourself, dude.
JESSE: Sup y’all. I’m Jesse, holdin’ down the neophyte position on Team Alpha Alliance, real
happy to be here, real psyched to be doin’ some fiction with y’all.
TOMAS: We, uh, hail from a private little entertainment vessel that does glass-bottom solar
excursions, so we’ve been tight partners for a good little bit now, and we feel like we kinda tell
stories every day with how we show people different stars up close through a bunch of
heat-resistant glass, ya know? So we started writin’ them down and whatnot and boom. Here
we are.
JESSE: And our fun fact is that we’re best friends 4eva 4 life. Both spelled with 4’s. The number.
Because letters are for stories, and numbers are for friends. Best Friends. 4eva. 4 life. Like the
number. It comes after 3. Heard of it?
SUB-DIRECTOR: (Cutting them off.) I actually have heard of that number, very nice, thank you
so much, and how about the two of you, two, that’s a number for you, how would the two of
you…remind me of your team name again, I’m so sorry, my pen doesn’t seem to want to work
this morning…
DESIREE: Absolutely no problem at all, Sub-Director Jameson, we are Team Exceptionalism,
and we are proud graduates of the Ciudad Colón (cologne) College of Advanced Undergraduate
Studies. My name is Desiree, and I seem to have been chosen as the Senior Neophyte of our
team. Please, Nancy, I’m sorry, I’m hogging all our time.
NANCY: Um, hello, uh, I’m Nancy, also a graduate of the Ciudad Colón College of Advanced
Undergraduate Studies, very happy to be here this morning. (Small pause.) Uh, that’s it, I didn’t
really prepare anything more -
DESIREE: And our fun fact is that the Ciudad Colón College of Advanced Undergraduate
Studies is the very college that successfully protested for fines to be levied against any
Incorporation Ship not staffing each and every position, no matter how demeaning and
degrading, with at least one organic being. So if you’ve heard of us, that’d probably be why.
NANCY: We’re very invested in social justice, not just around planets, but throughout the
universe.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Oh, we here at the Mental Ennervation Colonies love peaceful exercises of
personal rights. Please, describe your protesting for us.
NANCY: Well…we didn’t actually do much of it…it kinda happened at the school a long time
before we went there.
DESIREE: But we’re proud to carry on that legacy.
SUB-DIRECTOR: And we’re proud to have you. Finally, I suppose, we ought to hear from you
two. The senior among you, please, get it over with.
Pause.
JONAS: Oh, crud, that’d be me. So hey everybody, my name is Jonas, Senior Neophyte, first
official day, very excited, very glad to meet all of you, first time I’ve been entrusted with a
position of power in quite a while so I’m pretty pumped to see where that goes…let’s
see…recently participated in a ship-wide coups, got pushed against a wall, bit of an action hero
honestly, if you wanna put labels on people…Bethany, you wanna take over?
BETHANY: I’m Bethany, we came from an incorporation ship that, itself, got incorporated, it’s all
very ironic, I’m happy we have a door, finally.
Pause.
SUB-DIRECTOR: And that covers an exceptional amount of fun facts, how about your team
name?
JONAS: Okay, so about thatSUB-DIRECTOR: There’s no need to waste anymore time, just the name please.
JONAS: Okay, but you see, we didn’t knowBETHANY: We’re team Extraneous But Interesting.
Pause.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Extraneous But Interesting?
BETHANY: Yeah, you know, it’s fun.
SUB-DIRECTOR: You would let your neophyte speak for you, Senior Neophyte?
JONAS: Yes.
Pause.
JONAS: The answer is yes, right?
Pause.
JONAS: I mean, only when they’re right, and when they’re right, they’re right. Team Extraneous
But Interesting, at your service.
SUB-DIRECTOR: If you say so…no matter. Thus ends the warm up activity. Now, to business.
As sub director, reporting directly to both the director and the over-director, it is both my
responsibility and my duty to guide, encourage, and mould you to be the best possible Story
Creation and Development Program Family you can possibly be. With that being said, I’m
gonna need 5 premises, 3 potential morality lessons (that aren’t just the basic be good and don’t
be bad sort of nonsense - trust me, we’ve got enough), and 1 compelling character, ready to
present at the end of the work day.
BETHANY: And when does that workday end, exactly?
THOMAS: These premises, can they be generic, or are you looking for something incredibly
specific?
SUB-DIRECTOR: Use your instincts, everybody, I’ll be around to check on all of you before the
day is done, and we’ll meet back in here in roughly 13 hours or so for a presentation gathering.
JONAS: Roughly 13 or exactly 13? Specificity seemed important earlier -
SUB-DIRECTOR: And…dismissed!
Fade out.
Music.
Fade in on SCDP office.
JONAS: What the heck is a morality lesson that isn’t “be good and don’t be bad”? That’s all of
morality!
BETHANY: Hey bud, you’re the boss around these parts, I just do what I’m told.
JONAS: And five premises? Five separate premises? With what, nothing attached? What’s the
point?
BETHANY: And don’t forget the compelling character.
JONAS: And on top of it ALL a compelling character…
Pause. Thunk.
BETHANY: You know, that desk would be a lot comfier for your head if you put down a pillow or
something.
Thunk.
BETHANY: Or, I suppose, just keep “thunkin’” your head into it, that should help…
Thunk.
BETHANY: Okay, but Jonas, we do actually have to do some work today.
Thunk.
JONAS: (Slightly muffled.) I gotta be honest with you, Bethany, I’m not as confident in my
managerial skill as I may have let on…
BETHANY: Yeah, buddy, I picked up on that.
JONAS: It was actually a little bit easier on the incorporation ship, and I can’t believe I’m saying
that, but with all the rules and regulations and everything you pretty much knew what you were
supposed to do at all times -
BETHANY: Yeah, did you though?
JONAS: What I mean is you had the ability to know. But here it’s so confusing! You gotta be
early even though they don’t tell you to be early, you gotta have team names prepared for some
reason, you gotta do boring and stressful activities to get to know everybody, and on top of all of
it we don’t even get to write a real story! No, instead, we get to make little tiny pieces of story for
some reason, even though the whole point of this job was that it was finally going to be fun…
A knocking at the door.
BETHANY: Geez that scared the heck out of me. That’s gonna take some getting used to.
JONAS: I’ll get it.
Door slides open.
JONAS: Oh, hey Sub-Director. What can we do for ya?
Door slides shut.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Jonas. Bethany. I’m just here to see how some of our newest little Mental
Ennervation family members are doing on their first day in their shiny new office. Are we settling
in okay? Did you find the Black Goo mix? You know, one of the perks of working for the Story
Creation and Development Program is that we have complimentary temperature regulating cups
for every single team member here. You know us artistic types, you set down the cup of black
goo, you get focused on what you’re doing, next thing you know, poof, black goo fire in the
office. With these cups, not a problem anymore.
BETHANY: Actually no, I didn’t find that, is it in one of the top cupboards? I’m tall but not that
tall…oh, yup, actually there it is, and the cups too, look at that…
JONAS: Sub-Director JamisonSUB-DIRECTOR: Oh, please, no need to stand on formality, we’re a family here. Just
“Sub-director” will be fine, thank you.
JONAS: Oh, okay, um, in that case, Sub-Director, I guess I’m just feeling a touch overwhelmed.
Now, I completely understand that it might be first day jitters or something, but it just seems like
there’s a lot I wasn’t really prepared for, and I haven’t really held this level of position in a while,
and, you know, I wanna do my best for everybody andSUB-DIRECTOR: Jonas, Jonas, Jonas… I can tell that there is a LOT of stress in this office
right now. Let’s take a breath together really quick, huh? Here, follow me. In…Out…Again,
in…out… You see how that helps to cleanse the mind? You see how you feel a bit more under
control? Is that a little better?
JONAS: It actually is, yes, thank you. I appreciate that. Sorry, I’m just a little nervous…
SUB-DIRECTOR: That’s completely fine, I just wanted to make sure you can really hear what
I’m about to say, because it’s very important, alright? Do you think you can listen?
JONAS: Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Good. Because I only want to have to say this once. You two are a single pair
out of 6 people in our little pod, but there were over 30,000 new recruits in the Mental
Ennervation Colonies’ recent recruitment efforts. If you can’t do the very simple work I have
assigned you, I can get two new people in here in literal minutes, who will do whatever I say,
whenever I say it, and smile at me the whole time. If you make my job harder, if you cause me
any unnecessary stress, if you ever insult me by not being early to one of our meetings again, I
will destroy the entirety of whatever reputation you have managed to scrape together in this
organization. Do I make myself clear?
JONAS: BuSUB-DIRECTOR: Ah buh buh buh buh buh, no no no, the only answer that I want to hear from
you is, “Yes, Sub-Director. You made yourself clear.” Say it.
Pause.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Say. It.
BETHANY: You’ve made yourself very clear, Sub-Director. Thank you for your guidance in this
transitory period that we find ourselves in. We’ll make you proud at the presentation gathering.
Pause.
SUB-DIRECTOR: I expect you will.
Door opening noise.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Oh, by the way, we’re a family here in the Story Creation and Development
Program, and families don’t believe in having closed doors in offices. So I’m just gonna go
ahead and prop this open for ya.
Long pause.
JONAS: What the heck just happened?
Fade out.
Music.
Fade in on the Assembly Pod.
NANCY: And so, as you can see, not only is the character compelling, but they also stand in
direct contrast to some of the moral arguments put forth in the morality lessons. Uh, I believe
that’s all we have for today, thank you for your time.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Excellent work, good use of oppositional viewpoints throughout, execution on
the premises could be a little stronger, however, don’t be afraid to think it through. And finally, at
the end of a very long and very vibrant first day for all of us, I’m sure, Team Extraneous But
Interesting, please dazzle us with your creations.
JONAS: Do you wannaBETHANY: No, go aheadJONAS: Cuz I canBETHANY: No, no, start it off.
JONAS: Okay, okay. So, I know that the other groups presented in sort of a “list format”, which,
uh, does seem to be what you were asking for, but we decided to take things in a little different
direction. You know, have a little fun with it. So we came up with a little…well, we did a thing.
Bethany?
BETHANY: Hey, everyone. Bethany, here. I’m sure you remember me from this morning…geez,
I tell ya, isn’t it crazy how it’s intimidating to even present in front of a group like this? Like, I
know it’s only a few people but then you just start sweating and shaking -
SUB-DIRECTOR: Team Extraneous But Interesting, did you actually do the assignment, or not?
BETHANY: Oh no, we did it. We absolutely did it. Sorry, here, I just…sorry. I’ll start.
The road Young William walked was studded with roots from trees that were no longer
healthy enough to push up roads, but still hung out nearby them. Young William had been
walking this road since almost as far back as they could remember, and every time they wore
through a pair of shoes they would paint the sole, and press the wet paint into the back of the
jacket they always wore. The jacket was dry-dripping with paint, so many layers that it crackled
when Young William Walked, and with such mountains and valleys of pigment that if the wind hit
it just right it made a noise like a harmonica.
Sorry, the pages are a bit stuck together here…accident with some Black Goo, don’t
worry about it…
Young William pushed their way ever onward, until the road they were on split off in 4
distinct directions. Beyond the first lay a dirt path, and a castle loomed in the distance with great
beasts circling it. Beyond the second lay a small enclosed hallway with several doors, each
assuredly hiding some deep and mysterious family secret. Beyond the third lay the expanse of
space itself, with great metallic ships cutting through the inky dark towards the unknown they did
so crave. And beyond the last was a room of pure white, empty save for a desk and paper.
Pause.
BETHANY: Jonas.
Pause.
BETHANY: Jonas, that’s your cue…
JONAS: Oh, right, crud, sorry.
Young William stood for a moment, considering the options that lay before them. Each
promised adventure, intrigue, a certain sort of escapism… Tantalizing options, each and every
one of them. Young William stood, smiled, and began walking.
Long pause.
JESSE: I don’t get it.
JONAS: One compelling character - Young William. Three potential morality lessons: 1 -
wearing the weight of your past will mark you as an individual; 2 - there will always be options in
life that remain unexplored to you; 3 - pushing forward is the only cure for personal stagnancy.
And the five premises are the paths that Young William could have taken.
TOMAS: Uh, you only had four paths.
BETHANY: The final path was the one that Young William was already on. Going back the way
you came is a choice and a premise just like any of the others.
JESSE: Okay but… that’s not allowed right? Right, Sub-Director?
Pause.
SUB-DIRECTOR: And I think that does it for our first day here. Welcome to the family,
everybody. Let’s get up tomorrow and do it all again.
Fade out.
Music.
Fade in on a dark office, somewhere distant.
SUB-DIRECTOR: Over-Director Boris, you wanted to see me?
OVER-DIRECTOR: Yes indeed, Sub-Director Jamison. I received your report from your new
team. Some good work happening over there.
SUB-DIRECTOR: They all have talent. Some more than others.
OVER-DIRECTOR: Hmmmmm…..Do keep an eye out for potential entries into the Contest,
wouldn’t you? It would be nice to see somebody excel for once…
SUB-DIRECTOR: As you wish, Over-Director. It will be done.
Fade out.
CREDITS.