2-4 The Lost, or, A Shared Love of Novelty Coffee Mugs

In which Bethany has writer's block and Jonas has a potential solution.  

inc: The Podcast is:  
Allyson Levine as Bethany  
Raimy O. Washington as Jonas    
Jacob Pfeiffer as The Lost  
Leah Cardenas as the Intercom  

inc: The Podcast is written, produced, and edited, by Monte D. Monteleagre and Alexander Wolfe, and is a production of Wolf Mountain Workshop, which now has a Patreon! Join us at www.patreon.com/WolfMountainWorkshop to support our shows and get access to bonus content as well as our exclusive Discord: The Caves of Wolf Mountain.  

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Emotional support for inc: The Podcast is lovingly provided by: Birdie, Rodeo, Jasper, Luna, Artemis, Hazelnut, Gwyn, Jewel, Sakura, Gracie, Luna, Hazel, Kyo, Hamilton, Beau and The Slug. 

New episodes every other Monday. 

Ask yourself: how can M-E, work for me? 

Transcript

E4 - The Lost or, A Shared Love of
Novelty Coffee Mugs
CAST
Bethany
Jonas
Intercom
Lost
Theme music.
Episode motif.
LOST: And it was then that I found myself Lost and alone in a great expanse of wood and
darkness. Patches of deep grey occasionally glimpsed through the ever-moving treetops gave
explanation for the drips on my hood and the far-off rumbles that might have otherwise been the
leviathan at war with the goliath again, at least if left to my imagination.
It wouldn’t do to stop, and the ever-darkening yet never-ending twilight adds a certain
pressing concern that should I rest it might also see fit to do the same, and the darkness would
be complete, and I would be truly devoid of my singular goal - to be Found.
At every juncture a new riddle, at every crossroad a paradigm shift, and yet the forest I
found myself in now was so encompassing that it was at once continuously new yet constantly
familiar.
One might even find it within themselves…not me of course, but one…a special one…
They might find it in themselves to embrace the wood and the darkness. To let their pupils
expand the way that mine seem unable to, and to let their hands trail over the dampened
roughness of the bark and give thanks for that coldness that softens the touch.
It was then that I found myself Lost and alone in a great expanse of wood and darkness.
It wouldn’t do to stop. Continuously new, yet constantly familiar. Give thanks for that coldness.
SCDP office noise.
JONAS: Look, Bethany, it’ll get better. It’s just writer's block. It happens sometimes, and I know
the Sub-Director is getting on you about it, but dwelling on a few negative comments isn’t going
to help anything. And I say that not only as a friend that cares for you, but also as a Senior
Neophyte whom you're obligated to listen to, for what that’s worth.
BETHANY: We both know how much that’s worth.
JONAS: Okay, well that’s insubordination, but once again, I’m a friend, so I’m gonna let that one
go.
BETHANY: Jonas, I’m glad you care, and I’m glad that the “Establishing Exposition” workshop
you took was really beneficial, but right now I just need to wallow in my own failure and not
listen to you sum up recent events in a way that would be easily digestible to an audience.
JONAS: But I need to practice!
BETHANY: It has been nonstop.
JONAS: Oh you’re just saying that because you’re sleepy from staying up the last few nights
working and then dramatically throwing out your work in the morning.
BETHANY: What did I just say?
JONAS: (Military voice) Hey there little soldier, this here is my command and I’ll be havin’ none
of that dour and sour attitude nonsense.
BETHANY: Practicing your character vocalization from your other workshop isn’t anymore
helpful than the exposition, Jonas. Also, don’t you think it’s a little unfair that only the Senior
Neophytes get to take the really good workshops? I mean, come on, I could use some character
vocalization help, but I’m stuck with stupid crappy presentations like “Overuse of Parentheticals
(The Silent Script Killers).”
JONAS: I figured they just thought we needed a bit more of a challenge and they were catching
you up on the basics.
BETHANY: Do you know what a parenthetical is?
JONAS: I think it’s a fish…
BETHANY: Do you know what a fish is?
JONAS: Well some of them are parenthetical.
BETHANY: That’s what I thought. So why didn’t you have to sit through three hours on the
varied evils of the parenthesis?
JONAS: Because I don’t have writer's block.
BETHANY: (Mumble-angry) I’ll block you with a writer…
JONAS: See, it’s even ruining your insults! Here, I’ll help. What are you stuck on?
BETHANY: Three guesses.
JONAS: (Guessing.) Lingering resentment?
BETHANY: The story, Jonas, what do you think? The story due at the end of the week!
JONAS: Okay, well, look, you’ve been working on it for about 4 days, right?
BETHANY: Yes, note the forehead marks on the wall, and the wall marks on the forehead.
JONAS: You know I hear in the other pods the neophytes have cushioned walls. But then they’d
be less fun to hit, right? You’ll have to tell me, it’s not really my thing.
(Beat.)
Oh fine, show me what you have.
BETHANY: You’re looking at it.
Pause.
JONAS: Is it invisible?
BETHANY: It doesn’t exist, Jonas, it’s nothing!
JONAS: You’ve been working on this for 4 days and you’ve got nothing to show for it?
BETHANY: …Yeah. Well I’ve got a wastebasket full of mostly blank pages, but not much else.
Pause.
JONAS: Is this how you felt when you were first my boss?
BETHANY: Okay, first you’re not my boss, you’re my Senior Neophyte. And second, yes. Almost
exactly like this, yeah.
JONAS: Wow…I wish I knew the difference between sympathy and empathy so I knew what I
was feeling right now…
BETHANY: Well that’s just all hunky-dory isn’t it, but it still doesn’t really help the problem…
JONAS: Okay…okay…let me think…let…me…think… (GASP) Oh my goodness, wait, I can
actually help! I can actually do something about this! Hang tight, hold on -
Door opens/closes.
General rummaging/crashing/banging.
JONAS: Hold on, hold on, wait, I’ve got it, oh geez I didn’t even know that thing was still
alive…hang on…
Ominous buzzing.
BETHANY: Jonas?
JONAS: Hang on, don’t come in here, it’s fine, everything is fine…
Large smack.
JONAS: Okay… crisis averted…now where could that stupid little thing - a ha!
Door opens/closes.
BETHANY: Do I even want to askJONAS: It’s better if you don’t. Anyways, look!
Small pause.
BETHANY: It’s…a…little bottle?
JONAS: Or is it?
Small pause.
BETHANY: Yeah…it is.
JONAS: Okay, yeah it is, but it’s what’s inside that counts, like us!
BETHANY: And what’s inside? Depression? Caregiver issues? Sleep deprivation? …a shared
fondness for kitschy novelty coffee mugs?
JONAS: Gimme a real guess.
BETHANY: That last one was a real guess, Jonas.
JONAS: Bethany, as your Senior Neophyte I must insist -
BETHANY: (Fed up.) Oh my goodness, is it poison that can kill me? Because that would be
lovely.
JONAS: It’s story juice!
Pause.
JONAS: (Clears throat.) I said, it’s Story -
BETHANY: No, no, I heard you, I’m just trying to figure out exactly who ripped you off by selling
you this…
JONAS: Jesse gave it to me.
BETHANY: Ah, nothing like mystery bottles of “story juice” from the neophyte of Team Alpha
Alliance, a team which has actively attempted to sabotage us in front of the Sub-Director by
stealing our ideas, as well as recently being very passive aggressive in the waste removal
areas. I’m sure that’s real safe.
JONAS: Me too, that’s why I’ve been saving it for a special occasion.
BETHANY: It bothers me when you choose to not understand sarcasm.
JONAS: Oh I know, you’ve said that.
BETHANY: I just like to make sure.
JONAS: And it’s not like I haven’t tried it. Jesse gave me three, and this is the last one. It didn’t
really do much for me, honestly, and I didn’t like the taste. Probably just because I’m so good at
stories though. It might help you.
BETHANY: I really don’t trust this…
JONAS: It’s not like they made it, it’s all sealed up and everything. Jesse said they sell them at
this really out of the way vending machine in one of the lower levels. It’s got graffiti on it that
says swears. It’s pretty cool.
BETHANY: If it works, why wouldn’t everybody use it all the time?
JONAS: I don’t know. I think it’s a stigma thing. Like, you don’t wanna be seen in the pool with
floaties on your flippers much past the age of adolescence.
BETHANY: That…makes a little sense actually.
JONAS: That’s just what I do.
BETHANY: That’s absolutely not what you do.
JONAS: Once again, insubordination, and we’re drifting ever closer to a write-upBETHANY: Oh for the love of… If I promise to think about trying it will you at least give me an
hour here to see if I can actually get anything done?
JONAS: Yeah, totally. I’ve got some…uh…cleaning to do in my quarters anyways…
BETHANY: Yeah, what was that buzzing noise, by the way?
JONAS: Thanks for trying it, Bethany!
Door opens and shuts. Locking noise.
BETHANY: I can’t believe that somehow they’re not the worst boss I’ve ever had.
Episode theme.
LOST: So right then was when I realized I was well and truly lost in the big city. The buildings
were so tall I could barely see the sky between ‘em, but it was raining and thundering too, loud
enough to be gunshots, so…ya know…I knew it was there.
I knew I could stop one of the bus shelters with the overhanging roof and the fluorescent
lights, but I could also tell that night was comin’ on, and I had a real feeling that I didn’t wanna
get caught on the streets after dark. Just to prove my point, that’s when the streetlights popped
on. Except the one above me. It’s funny. I can’t even get Found by a streetlight…
I don’t know what’s worse, the train journey here with the half-ripped station map and the
skeevy little person with the crossword they couldn’t finish, or the weirdness of a city where
every block is just familiar enough to cause a lingering deja vu.
I wish I could just be a city person. Just be cool with the bricks and the noise and the
loneliness of all the people. Dunno why I can’t, either. Just don’t have it in me, I suppose.
So right then was when I realized I was well and truly lost in the big city. I knew I could
stop. Familiar enough to cause a lingering deja vu. I wish I could just be.
Episode Theme.
BETHANY: (Writing) …and then the Green Dragon said to the Red Dragon, “I think the person
writing this wants to throw themselves off a gigantic bridge so that they have time to appreciate
having nothing to do for a little bit on the way down.” And the Red Dragon said, “That’s a little on
the nose, don’t you think?” And the Green Dragon said, “Don’t you mean ‘snout?’ Ha ha ha!”
And the Red Dragon said, “no, what, do you not think we have noses? What do you think is at
the end of our snout?” And the Green Dragon said, “The letter ‘T’?”
Small pause.
BETHANY: Yup. I’m gonna go find a bridge to jump off of. If this is honestly the best I can do… I
wonder if they have bridges here? They must, right? People like bridges a little bit and they're
pretty good about providing things people like a little bit…
Small pause.
BETHANY: Ah, the heck with it. Where’s the stupid bottle…? There we go. Let’s see. Genuine
Story Juice. For internal use only, unless disinfecting medical equipment in an emergency
scenario. Serving size, 1 quarter bottle, inhaled into the lungs through the attached apparatus.
That’s reassuring. Fine.
Bottle noises.
Inhalant noise.
BETHANY: (It’s a combo of a cough or two from a hit of weed mixed with your first tequila shot.)
Oh, Jonas, I’m gonna kill you…oh, what’d they give you…? Okay. Okay. Okay, that was terrible.
I did not enjoy that.
So what now? Just..wait? I’m gonna wait.
Actually, I’m gonna set a timer and wait. And I’m gonna record exactly what this does to
me, so that if I die Jonas will have to read it and feel guilty.
Timer beep.
Funky music and slowed pauses between lines.
BETHANY: Eh, who am I kidding, Jonas wouldn’t read it anyways.
Okay, minutes one and two. No obvious effects. Potentially slight warmth, but it did burn
a bit when ingested, so that’s not surprising, I guess.
Minute three is looking -
Oh.
Oh wait a second, I’m getting something.
Hold on.
Oh…it’s like I can almost see it in my head…it’s…it’s…powerful, it’s…shadowy…it’s…
(Noise of frustration.) I can’t make it out! Damn it… It’s there, it’s right there…it’s at the edge of
my gills, it’s… (Another frustrated noise.)
I’m gonna do a little more. It said a quarter bottle, but I’m gonna do a little more. There’s
no warnings on it about that…just about not ingesting if you’re actively spawning…
(Inhalant noise, followed by another tequila shot noise.) Okay, okay, that’s not as bad the
second time, but it’s still bad, that’s still really bad… Okay, fine, it’s not that bad…when you gotta
get something done, that’s what you gotta do…
Fade out.
INTERCOM: Hello fellow members of the Mental Ennervation Colonies’ Family. The Moderation
and Marketability departments have come together this month to put on a little gathering that
they’re calling, “Cookies and Critiques”. It’s an informal and fun way to meet your colleagues in
both the Moderation and Marketing Departments, have a cookie or two, and refresh your
memory on the standards we have for accepting criticism of our work from outside sources.
Attendance is mandatory and tightly scheduled, so don’t forget to sign up quickly, folks, and
please be aware, if you score less than a 92% on the exit quiz, you will be made to retake it until
the proper level of memory has been proven refreshed. But remember, it’s not a punishment,
because families don’t punish. It’s a learning opportunity, because families help each other
grow. Ask yourself, how can M-E, work for me?
Fade in SCDP Office.
Knock on door.
(Throughout this scene, JONAS becomes progressively more concerned.)
JONAS: (Muffled.) Bethany? Can I come in?
BETHANY: (Kinda drunk.) Jonaaaaaaasssss…
JONAS: Is that a yes, or…?
BETHANY: C’mon in, boss, mi casa es su casa. That’s a language I just made up. Means,
“c’mon in, boss.”
Door noises.
JONAS: You seem happy…
BETHANY: I…Jonas…I am doing wonderful. And I want you to know that. I am doing wonderful.
JONAS: That’s certainly a change. Did you make it through the writers block?
BETHANY: Kind of.
JONAS: Kind of?
BETHANY: Yeah, so in the back of my head I’m kinda worried it’s all gonna crash and burn, but
in the front of my head I’m just feelin’ good and havin’ some fun doin’ some story stuff, ya know?
JONAS: I do know! That’s exactly what I do!
BETHANY: And you know what I learned?
JONAS: What’s that?
BETHANY: I learned why all these writer-type people are all so…dreary all the time.
JONAS: Are they?
BETHANY: Yeah, you know, all the deep dark “process”-type people -
JONAS: I think we were supposed to disregard that, we have to say “method” now -
BETHANY: No, no, no, that’s just what they WANTED us to think…
Pause.
JONAS: Is there any more to that thought?
BETHANY: What are we talking about?
JONAS: Deep dark “method”, I think, if I’m following this, which I’m not sure I am, are you okay?
BETHANY: Jonas, let me just tell you how much I appreciate you saying that to me. You are a
good friend, you know that? You are a really good friend.
JONAS: Wow, that’s really nice, Bethany, so are you. (small pause.) You see why this has me
worried, right?
BETHANY: I’ve got the secret, Jonas, I figured out the secret.
JONAS: Of the deep dark method?
BETHANY: Yeah. That one.
JONAS: Okay, what is it?
BETHANY: C’mere. I’m very sleepy so I don’t wanna stand up, so c’mere.
JONAS: Okay…
BETHANY: (Slurring whisper.) It’s all about using the things you hate about yourself to make
you hate yourself enough that you either have to write something or…I dunno…
JONAS: Uh, I don’t know about that…
BETHANY: No, no, no, cuz you see, I did it, right, I did it, and it’s all because… You wanna know
a secret?
JONAS: Uh, sure?
BETHANY: You promise you won’t hate me?
JONAS: I promise.
BETHANY: You really really promise? Like, a hundred times?
JONAS: I promise a thousand times. What’s the secret?
BETHANY: So…okay, so…If I’m being honest…if I had tried…I probably could have gotten
Patricia on the escape pod.
JONAS: What?
BETHANY: Shhhhhhhh… It’s a secret… Jonas would hate me if they knew…
Gentle snoring.
JONAS: Yeah…okay…yeah…why don’t you just…sleep this off…
Episode theme.
LOST: Captain’s Log… Lost in what appears to be the endless expansive darkness of space…
Gaseous nebulae stretching on for light years but providing no comfort for a weary and solo
traveler… It’s enough to make a Captain cry… And this captain isn’t too proud to shed a few
tears…
The madness and the loneliness mix into a cocktail so intoxicating it makes a Captain
want to do nothing more than stop and drink that tall glass dry, but every good Captain knows
that stopping in space doesn’t mean nothin’ more than that the universe is movin’ all around
you. My captain’s manifest reads L.O.S.T. but by all the gods in Space-heaven, I sure wish it
could be F.O.U.N.D. instead…
The training is grueling and the launch is horrendous, but the real sandpaper to the face
of a true captain is seeing a patch of darkness that drifts onward to eternity and swearing you’ve
seen that same patch of eternal darkness before…
Maybe one day we’ll spawn a Captain who doesn’t have all of these problems. Heck,
maybe one day they won’t even bother with a log… But If I had to bet on it, (and I often do bet
on things), I’d say that’s a long way off.
Captain’s Log…The madness and the loneliness mix…grueling, horrendous,
sandpaper… But if I had to bet on it…
Fade in SCDP Office.
JONAS: Hey, Bethany?
BETHANY: Jonas, my head hurts a ridiculous amount, I’ve thrown up 7 times today, I just barely
made it through my presentation, and the recording of the exposition lecture you stole from
Tomas for me is excruciating at the best of times, let alone now.
JONAS: I was just wondering if we could talk about something?
BETHANY: It’s really not the best time. I just got food from the coffee shop, and all I want to do
is eat it and sleep, maybe forever.
JONAS: I just…how much do you remember about…
BETHANY: Very little, Jonas. Very little.
JONAS: You, uh, you told me a secret.
BETHANY: I’m sure I did... What was it? Was it that I’m jealous you’re the Senior, because I feel
like I’ve been clear about that…
JONAS: No…no it wasn’t that…It was about…Patricia.
Pause.
BETHANY: Oh.
Episode theme.
Credits.
END.