2-5 Last Love Letter

In which Carol and Kimberly bond over a very public eulogy.  

inc: The Podcast is:  
Katie Ploetz as Peggy-Anne  

Chase Guthrie Knueven as Dale  

Joe Hanson as Tucker  

Edie Pierce as Carol  

Brynn Hambley as Kimberly  

Ellis MacMillan as the Robo-Archivist  

inc: The Podcast is written, produced, and edited, by Monte D. Monteleagre and Alexander Wolfe, and is a production of Wolf Mountain Workshop, which now has a Patreon! Join us at www.patreon.com/WolfMountainWorkshop to support our shows and get access to bonus content as well as our exclusive Discord: The Caves of Wolf Mountain.  

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New episodes every other Monday. 

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Transcript

Episode 5 - Last Love Letter
CHARACTERS
Robo-Archivist
Peggy-Anne
Dale
Tucker
Kimberly
Carol
SCRIPT
Show theme.
Episode Theme, likely some variation of Patricia’s theme
from season one.
Fading into the sounds of an upper middle class
neighborhood. A table is being set.
ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Beginning sponsored eulogy broadcast. Subject: Patricia. Date and time of
death: Redacted. Eulogy broadcast sponsored by Council Person Peggy-AnnePEGGY-ANNE: Recently retired Council Person Peggy-Anne, thank you.
ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Vice-President of Contractor Negotiation DaleDALE: That’s me.
(Deep breath.)
Hello.
PEGGY-ANNE: And they just might be up for a promotion soon as well.
DALE: Yes, but that’s notPEGGY-ANNE: I know, I know, not what we’re here to talk about, but still, it could happen.
DALE: Let’s move on.
PEGGY-ANNE: Just speaking it into existence is all. Manifesting some goodness.
DALE: I know.
PEGGY-ANNE: Don’t deny the power of speaking things into existence.
DALE: You know I never would, it’s just- this is a eulogy for Patricia.
PEGGY-ANNE: You think I don’t know that?
DALE: I just want it to be serious.
PEGGY-ANNE: Oh I know that, but it’s already going to be such a somber affair. It’s okay to
celebrate the small things. It’s what gets us through the day.
ROBO-ARCHIVIST: And finally, Retired Council Person Tucker.
PEGGY-ANNE: Recently Un-retired, actually.
TUCKER: Yes indeed, very recently.
PEGGY-ANNE: I think it’s for the best. Retirement didn’t suit you.
TUCKER: No, no, of course not, dear.
DALE: We are live to the universe, and this is supposed to be about Patricia.
ROBO-ARCHIVIST: Patricia is survived in an official capacity by their caregivers: Peggy-Anne,
Dale, and Tucker. Patricia is unofficially survived by REDACTED.
TUCKER: (Sarcastic, and maybe a bit meaner than intended.) And of course it’s helpful when a
broadcast like this costs an eye stalk and half a tentacle to send out…
PEGGY-ANNE: You’ve got plenty of eye stalks and tentacles to spare, Tucker, I think we’ll
survive.
TUCKER: It’s a joke, Peggy-Anne.
PEGGY-ANNE: Dale said we can’t make jokes during the Eulogy.
TUCKER: Dale, you didn’t tell me I couldn’t make jokes during the eulogy. Do we have different
rules all of a sudden?
DALE: Of course you can make jokes during the eulogy, I just don’t think we should talk about
our jobs so much, and maybe focus on Patricia.
PEGGY-ANNE: Okay you can just turn all those eyes right back away from me because I’m the
only one of us here without a job. Retired.
TUCKER: And it suits you.
PEGGY-ANNE: It really does, doesn’t it? More than it suited you, right?
TUCKER: Yeah. Too much time to think. Not enough to do. I was a bit crazy.
PEGGY-ANNE: Coulda picked up wood carving like you always said you would.
TUCKER: Who’s got the energy?
PEGGY-ANNE: Me now. Cause of the retirement.
TUCKER: Oh just wait, you’ll get tired.
PEGGY-ANNE: Me? Tired? Never. I’m already calling Dale at work just about every hour trying
to get their approval on some home renovation or another.
(To Dale.)
Did you like the sinks I showed you?
TUCKER: What’s wrong with the sink?
PEGGY-ANNE: Oh that old thing?
(A beat.)
It’s old.
TUCKER: Well I’m old now, is that so bad?
PEGGY-ANNE: I’d buy a new one if they made a new one of you, but you’re one of a kind,
Tucker.
TUCKER: Ah, shucks.
(A beat.)
But can we please keep the sink?
PEGGY-ANNE: With Dale’s job we can get a new sink.
DALE: We can get a new sink, but we should focus onTUCKER: But I don’t want a new sink.
PEGGY-ANNE: With Dale’s upcoming promotion we can afford it. We can afford a dozen new
sinks.
TUCKER: I’m sure we can it’s justDALE: The promotion isn’t a done deal. There’s still a chanceTUCKER: That’s the sink we used toDALE: -a chance that the job goes to Richie instead of me.
TUCKER: That’s the sink we used to bathe Patricia in when they were a little baby.
(A beat.)
And I don’t want to lose another piece of them.
Tucker starts to tear up.
PEGGY-ANNE: Hey, Tucker, it’s okay.
TUCKER: (Through tears.) It really isn’t. I don’t want this broadcast just to be me crying all the
time…
PEGGY-ANNE: No, no, it’s a eulogy broadcast, and Dale said it’s okay if we cry.
TUCKER: Dale, is it okay if I cry?
DALE: Of course it’s okay if you cry, Tucker. Thank you for asking. It’s always okay to cry.
TUCKER: But it’s so early in the recording...
(Laughing through tears.)
This is stupid but I was going to try to save it up for a climactic moment and now I’m
crying over a kitchen sink.
(Deep breath. Getting it back together.)
But that’s why I’m going back to the Council. Just sat around all day thinking, and then
we got the news.
PEGGY-ANNE: Awful letter. Just terrible.
TUCKER: And then I was home alone all by myself looking at all the things Patricia left behind
and all of a sudden…all of a sudden…
Tucker cries.
PEGGY-ANNE: (Patting them on the back.) There there, sweet thing, let it out, there you go…
TUCKER: You can replace the sink if it really matters to you.
PEGGY-ANNE: We don’t have to get rid of the sink.
TUCKER: Maybe it’ll be good for me. Maybe it’ll help me move on.
DALE: We don’t have to make a decision right now.
TUCKER: I know.
DALE: We can decide later.
TUCKER: I know.
DALE: We’ll have a family meeting about it. All of us.
TUCKER: (Getting it together again.) I just miss Patricia.
DALE: We all do.
TUCKER: And we’ve missed her for so long…
DALE: (Interrupting.) You don’t have to say it if it’s too hard.
TUCKER: But I do! That’s why we’re doing this, making this thing, and sending it out into the
universe so that People know that we loved Patricia and we miss PatriciaPEGGY-ANNE: And, of course, we’d like a full investigation into what happened. Without all this
REDACTED stuff that we keep running into. Why is so much of the information about why our
child is gone, redacted? It makes you wonder...
DALE: We don’t have to do this where the whole universe can hear it
PEGGY-ANNE: I think someone needs to say it.
DALE: I know, Peggy-Anne, I know. We’ll add it to the sink-meeting agenda.
PEGGY-ANNE: And I’m off the council now, so I have time, I’ve been reading these articles on
incorporation that keep getting shared on theTUCKER: We’ve talked about how you can’t always trust those things you know…
PEGGY-ANNE: I know, I’m doing my research, but if you go deep enough on those social sites
you can find the truth. That’s all I’m going to say about it. Right now, this is about mourning our
Patricia.
DALE: That’s right. Thank you.
TUCKER: (Crying again.) I just miss them so much.
Tucker’s crying fades away.
GDASD sounds.
KIMBERLY: (Yawning and flirty) Well good morning to me, Carol. What's this very early, very
focused hunk of beauty I see here in the good ol’ General Data Acquisition and Storage
Department?
CAROL: Kimberly…do not say the full name of the department, we’ve had this conversation, it’s
gross. Also, don’t worry about it. I’m just listening to something.
A beat.
KIMBERLY: (Singsong) Headphones are no fun…headphones don’t make friends…
CAROL: It’s just job stuff.
KIMBERLY: Carol... this paranoia is getting a little much. Come on, no one’s listening to us, you
don’t have to just say job stuff when that’s obviously not it.
(A beat.)
Is it potentially...extraneous…and maybe just a little bit interesting?
CAROL: Of course it is.
(Whispering.)
It’s about Patricia.
KIMBERLY: (Whispering.) Bethany and Jackson’s friend?
(Not whispering.)
Also, why do we need to whisper about this all of a sudden? From everything you told me about
their ship, ours is pretty chill. Even if someone heard I don’t think they’d care much.
CAROL: (Whispering.) I think-
(Not whispering, but still talking low-ish.)
Oh, fine. I think they’d care a lot, actually. Or, at least, the people higher up than this ship would
care. Also it’s Jonas, not Jackson.
KIMBERLY: If anyone cared to tell them. Are you going to tell them?
CAROL: No.
KIMBERLY: Am I going to tell them?
CAROL: That would require you to actually take some initiative around here, so…
KIMBERLY: Exactly. We have the power and freedom of an entire system of apathy on our side.
We can do anything we want. So what is this Patricia thing about?
CAROL: Okay, first, and I only have to ask this because I love you and I think I know the answer
to it. Do you remember who Patricia is?
KIMBERLY: Bethany and Julian’s friend.
CAROL: Jonas. And, yes, but beyond that.
KIMBERLY: No, not really no.
CAROL: The diary one.
KIMBERLY: You’re gonna have to give me a little more.
CAROL: The diary one who started the Extraneous But Interesting Folder with Bethany. The one
who didn’t make it.
KIMBERLY: Oh, yeah, the one gunned down by their previous subordinate with the weirdly
familiar voice? The one that really wanted to be taller for some reason?
CAROL: Yeah, that’s Patricia.
KIMBERLY: I’ll remember the names eventually.
CAROL: We’ve been doing this for weeks and you only barely have Bethany down.
KIMBERLY: Justin is a hard name.
CAROL: It’s Jaxon. Wait, Jonas. Ugh, now you’ve got me doing it…
KIMBERLY: See?
CAROL: Anyway- Patricia's caregivers have this sponsored eulogy broadcast going. Grab a set
of headphones and listen.
KIMBERLY: Just play it on the speakers.
CAROL: But it might be against regulations.
KIMBERLY: Oh my goodness, Carol, I’m assuming command.
Kimberly turns up the radio. The voices begin slightly “radio sound” but that slowly fades off.
PEGGY-ANNE: …and it’s a good memory…a favorite realIy… I don’t want to say it’s my
favorite-favorite, just that it’s one of my favorites…
TUCKER: That’s okay. It’s good to have a bunch of different favorites. I have a bunch of different
favorites.
DALE: I think our favorite moments will always be in flux. One day, it’s buying Patricia’s first pair
of hover boots for the educational dance season and then the next it might be Patricia’s sixth
birthday party.
TUCKER: Oh I remember that…
DALE: When they went from door to door demanding that every other person in the
neighborhood come to their party right now…
PEGGY-ANNE: We didn’t even plan that party, we planned something for a few days later when
we had more free time but that morning, my goodness…
TUCKER: Just so Patricia… They woke us all up and demanded that the party be todayPEGGY-ANNE: And how could we say no?
DALE: And we didn’t have any invites sent out…
PEGGY-ANNE: Well we did they were just for the other dateDALE: It was quite embarrassing If I remember...
TUCKER: Oh quiet, it’s one of your favorite memories, too.
DALE: It’s funny now, looking back on it but at the time…
TUCKER: Oh it was funny even then. I remember one house- do you remember this?
PEGGY-ANNE: Oh yeah, absolutely, I remember that story. The house with the older quad of
folks...
TUCKER: We’re that old now, Peggy-Anne.
PEGGY-ANNE: Oh will you stop going on about how old you are? If you’re old that means I'm
old.
TUCKER: Well I hate to break it to you… So there was this house with this reasonably aged
quad of people, happy?
PEGGY-ANNE: Just tell it already.
TUCKER: And before the fire they all lived together peacefully enough. One of them couldn’t
walk and one couldn’t see and the third one was just waiting for the other two to die so they
could take the house and the money and live with the fourth who did nothing but stand in that
upper window with those big dark eyes.
PEGGY-ANNE: Which was unnerving, but hey, that’s neighbors for you… And then they try to
burn down half the block…
TUCKER: I’m getting there, stop interrupting.
PEGGY-ANNE: You already told them there was a fire.
TUCKER: Did I?
DALE: You sure did.
TUCKER: I meant to say that later. Can I start over?
DALE: I don’t think so.
PEGGY-ANNE: We should have someone come and do a fire-safety inspection on our house. Is
that okay, Dale?
DALE: That’s fine, dear, we’ll talk about it when we talk about the sink.
PEGGY-ANNE: Well I hope you’re taking notes because I am not going to remember all the
things we have to talk about.
DALE: I’m taking notes.
TUCKER: That’s our Dale.You should write down Sammy’s name for the fire inspection, the one
that comes to the council meetings
PEGGY-ANNE: I never liked them.
TUCKER: Yes, I know, but they like you and they do fire inspections and I bet they’ll give us a
discount since you’re home all the time now that you’re retired.
PEGGY-ANNE: That so?
DALE: I think we’ve gotten ourselves a little off topic here
Fade out.
Back to the GDASD.
KIMBERLY: I can’t believe they actually paid to do something like this… And you’ve been
listening to it for how long? Are you feeling okay? Are the fumes from the Waste Removal
Location getting to you again?
CAROL: I don’t know, maybe? I’ve actually been…kind of…putting a second folder together.
Just about Bethany and Jonas and Patricia. A little pet project of mine.
KIMBERLY: Oh, Carol’s got two projects now. Look at you go you little overachiever.
CAROL: Well, I have to fill my time with something now that you’ve convinced me to do less
work.
KIMBERLY: I bring a necessary perspective to your work/life balance.
CAROL: I know, Kimberly, I know. Can I turn it back up now?
KIMBERLY: I’ll be really honest, I’m not sure how much more of those three old coots
yammering on I can take…
CAROL: (Partially sarcastic, partially genuine.) But Kimberly, this is important, this is how
Patricia lived. These are Patricia’s caregivers.
(Less sarcastic, more genuine.)
Maybe if we listen, we can learn why things ended up the way they did.
KIMBERLY: Maybe if you listen, you mean.
CAROL: No, Kimberly, it’s too late. You’re in this now too. Pay attention.
KIMBERLY: Can we at least fast forward through it?
CAROL: It’s a radio signal.
KIMBERLY: I think some of them can do that now.
CAROL: That’s a no.
KIMBERLY: Can we record it and listen to it later and skip all the parts I don’t care about?
CAROL: Oh my goodness, settle. Settle and listen.
The eulogy fades back in with the same radio effect that slowly lessens.
TUCKER: -I just think if we replace the sink we need to keep the old one too.
PEGGY-ANNE: Two sinks in the kitchen? That’s ridiculous.
TUCKER: No, we can pull it out, it just has to go into the basement.
PEGGY-ANNE: Two sinks in the basement? Am I the only one hearing this?
TUCKER: No, like, for storage.
DALE: We can talk about this later, at the meeting. We were talking about Patricia’s sixth
birthday party.
TUCKER: The first one, right? That they did themselves?
DALE: Yes, Patricia’s first sixth birthday party. The unplanned one.
PEGGY-ANNE: There’s not much to say about the other one. Patricia didn’t want to be there, so
it was just a bunch of guests around a pile of presents.
DALE: They did open the presents though.
PEGGY-ANNE: What ever happened to those?
DALE: They probably went in a pile with all the other things that children get and outgrow over
the years.
PEGGY-ANNE: Oh, you’re right, that’s a good place for the sink, do we still have that pile
somewhere?
TUCKER: It’s in the basement. Anyways, as I was saying, one member of this older quadPEGGY-ANNE: Reasonably aged.
TUCKER: One member of this reasonably aged older quad couldn’t walk-
PEGGY-ANNE: We already said that.
TUCKER: I know I’m building back into the story.
PEGGY-ANNE: I just don’t want to waste too much of our recording time.
DALE: We’re pretty far beyond that by now..
PEGGY-ANNE: (Genuine.) What do you mean? I think we’re doing fine.
TUCKER: I was talking about how Patricia bullied the poor reasonably aged older quad into
coming to their birthday party, even though one of them couldn’t walk and one of them couldn’t
see and the third one was a miserable wretch, and the fourth just wanted to stare into some kind
of vague abyss from a high vantage point. And the miserable one got in a fight with the blind
one and pushed them into the cake.The one who couldn’t walk just sat in their chair crying
quietly and the fourth was just watching like always. Disaster. But what did Patricia do?
PEGGY-ANNE: Oh don’t remind me.
TUCKER: Patricia made them buy a new cake. Made the whole party march to the store and
watch as the reasonably-aged, yet slightly older, just about as old as we are now if not a little
younger, anyways, that quad bought a cake. Even made them pay for it!
PEGGY-ANNE: That’s just how Patricia was.
TUCKER: And then later, the miserable one set the house on fire for insurance money and they
all died. Weird little relationship they all had. Unhealthy, I’d call it.
PEGGY-ANNE: You said that already.
TUCKER: Did I? I wanted to save it for later.
DALE: I just don’t know where Patricia got it from.
PEGGY-ANNE: What?
DALE: The... whatever it is that makes a person force a miserable elderly quad of hateful lovers
to come to an impromptu birthday party and then force them to buy a cake.
PEGGY-ANNE: Confidence?
DALE: I don’t know if it’s confidence
PEGGY-ANNE: I think they got it from you.
DALE: (A beat.) I hope not. I loved Patricia. I did. We all did. You both know that, right?
PEGGY-ANNE: We all did, Dale, that’s why we’re doing this, and why we’re having the meeting
later.
TUCKER: I thought the meeting was about the sink?
PEGGY-ANNE: It’s about a lot of things, Dale has a list.
TUCKER: That’s our Dale.
DALE: I just don’t know why Patricia stopped talking to us.
A long moment.
TUCKER: I don’t want to focus on that right now.
DALE: I know, Tucker.
TUCKER: This is a eulogy. This is a celebration.
DALE: I know, Tucker.
TUCKER: Maybe we can save this for the meeting.
PEGGY-ANNE: Yeah, the kitchen sink meeting.
TUCKER: That one.
DALE: I don’t think I can. I think this is important to talk about. At some point, a long time ago,
back when Patricia was working with that…Bethany person who sent us that thank you notePEGGY-ANNE: I still have that note somewhere. It was a nice note.
DALE: They stopped talking to us. We didn’t stop talking to them, we still sent letters and
communications but... but nothing in return.
TUCKER: I don’t want to talk about this. This doesn’t make me feel better.
DALE: And maybe that Bethany was a... I don’t know… Maybe they were a bad influence. It’s
not the first time I’ve said it, you both know that, but I’m gonna say it again. The corporate world
does that to people, I know it. Maybe the corporate world got to Bethany and then Bethany got
to Patricia and you know what, maybe we should’ve never sent them that mug…
Maybe things would be different if we- if we just didn’t do that…
PEGGY-ANNE: I don’t think that that’s true, Dale. I think it’s important to be kind, even if people
aren’t… Besides, what could a mug possibly do?
DALE: Sure, no, I get that, but... but after that Patricia stopped sending us letters. And we kept
sending them letters. We sent them letters even... even after...
(Shaky breath.)
We sent them letters even after they were already gone. Before we knew, but after they...
TUCKER: I don’t want to talk about this Dale. I told you, it hurts to talk like this.
DALE: (Laughing through it.) I mean, where did those letters even end up? I mean the last ones,
obviously, but... but any of them.We can sit here and we can talk about Patricia all day, but if
you really wanna put it in perspective…if you really wanna look at how much of their life they
talked to us and how much they just…didn’t…
(A long pause. No laughter.)
I mean, I just can’t figure it out. Were we just awful caregivers?
(Another long pause.)
And if we were…what now?
(A long pause. Dale gets themself together.)
I’m sorry, Tucker. And I’m sorry, Peggy-Anne. I don’t want to believe the universe is a cruel
place, I guess. But it is. And I’m a part of it. And that makes me a cruel person I suppose.
Or it doesn’t. Or it doesn’t but I guess I still did something and my child stopped talking to me
and now they’ll never talk to me again. So either I’m a cruel thing in a cruel universe or I’m just
like this on my own.
(A long pause.)
I work hard at my job. And I work hard in my marriages and maybe someone out there
in the universe will hear me and forgive me and- and- andPEGGY-ANNE: (Actually emotional) And what’s important is that we had a child named Patricia
and we loved them. And even if we didn't know everything about their life or why they made all
of the choices that they did, we know that they were a good person. Of that, we have no doubt.
Big pause.
DALE: Tucker, is there anything else you wanna say before we end this?
TUCKER: I…I just miss Patricia.
Fade back into GDASD.
KIMBERLY: You know, I, uh, I think I get it a bit. Why you care about this, I mean.
CAROL: That’s nice to hear.
KIMBERLY: Maybe we could do something for them.
CAROL: (With a bit of a snort of derision.) Oh yeah, I’m sure we’ll be mending broken hearts in
no time from this dinky office…
KIMBERLY: No, I’m serious, I’ll bet we could do something. Let me…(Walking out of the office)
let me think on this for a bit…
CAROL: (Eventually having to call after them.) Kim…Kim…Kimberly, don’t you walk away from
me, hey, you know we still have to do work today, right?
(Pause.)
They get me with that every time…every time…
Fade into episode theme. (Hopefully kinda sad.)
Episode theme fades out.
ROBO-ARCHIVIST: This piece of desperate parental grief was brought to you by the Mental
Ennervation Colonies, with support from the Caregivers of the late Patricia. Ask yourself, how
can M-E, work for me?
End.