2-11 Growth, or, The Doomsday Baby

In which Carol and Kimberly take a weapon of mass destruction and place it gently by a lava lamp.  

inc: The Podcast is:

Edie Pierce as Carol  

Brynn Hambley as Kimberly  

Allyson Levine as Fern  

Garrett Michael Weskamp as Gabriel.  

As promised, you can get your very own black goo mug here.  

inc: The Podcast is written, produced, and edited, by Monte D. Monteleagre and Alexander Wolfe, and is a production of Wolf Mountain Workshop, which now has a Patreon! Join us at www.patreon.com/WolfMountainWorkshop to support our shows and get access to bonus content as well as our exclusive Discord: The Caves of Wolf Mountain.  

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New episodes every other Monday.   

Ask yourself: how can M-E, work for me?   

———  

I SHOULD ROLL

I Should Roll is an Actual Play podcast set in a fan-expanded Mass Effect (TM) universe, encompassing two central campaigns and an ever-increasing compendia of side stories.

Ride of the Valkyrie follows Zynamondan and their motley crew (Southern not-belle Bean, backwoods colony kid Carver, and the mysterious, gruff, and strongest mercenaries Titoh, Kache, and Gratch) on the trail of a stolen artifact. Along the way, they encounter ghosts, crime bosses, and mad scientists.

In Dangerous...Dangers, Jesse Westcott wakes up to discover he’s missing a few things: namely his ship, his crew, and the last five years of his life. On his hunt to recover what he's lost, he picks up a crew of unlikely allies, including elcor detective Clous, information broker Athena, rachni chef Solace-Within-Clay, krogan mercenary Vraga, and suspicious asari Nyx.

I Should Roll is a cast-crafted production of the Intergalactic Improv Initiative; a global co-operative of storytellers inspired to tell tales of humanity and hope in the darkness. 

For more information on I Should Roll, check out https://ishouldroll.com/. To help support our work, please subscribe to our Ko-Fi at https://ko-fi.com/intergalacticimprovinitiative.

Transcript

Episode 11 - Growth, or, The Doomsday Baby
The episode theme fades into the buzzing of a call button. A slight pause, and the buzzing is
repeated again. And again. And then many times, very frantically.
CAROL: I heard it the first time, I’m coming!
The buzzer doesn’t stop.
CAROL: Gabriel, I swear, if you lost your key again somehow…said you were gonna be gone a
whole week this time…Didn’t even bring your paints with you… this is why nobody takes your
stupid artistic retreats seriously…
More buzzer.
CAROL: For the love of…I’m getting some clothes on, I don’t wanna flash the whole residential
corridor…
More buzzer.
CAROL: I will break that stupid buzzer and those paints I got you that you didn’t even take, once
again, so help me, I will…
More buzzer.
CAROL: Oh my goodness, I’m here, I’m here!
Door noise. Continued buzzer noises.
CAROL: Kimberly?
KIMBERLY: (Frantic and unsure.) Hey…Carol…
CAROL: Uh, hey? Are you alright? Could you stop pressing my buzzer, maybe? It’s very loud.
KIMBERLY: Oh, sorry I just…
Buzzer noises stop.
CAROL: You’re holding a dead plant.
KIMBERLY: Yeah…about that…I think I need some help.
CAROL: (Confused and unnerved.) I…look Kimberly, I’m sorry about your plant, but I don’t think
I can reallyKIMBERLY: It’s not my plant. I got it from storage. Like…incorporation storage.
CAROL: Oh my goodness, is that where you went when you just wandered off? I was worried
sick! I also had to do a whole day's worth of stuff by myself, but more importantly, I was worried
sick.
KIMBERLY: Can I…can I come in?
CAROL: I guess so…
Door shutting noise.
KIMBERLY: Okay…okay, okay, okay… So maybe first I should just apologize -
CAROL: No, maybe first you should tell me what’s going on! We’re standing here in my place,
which we never come to by the way, so, welcome I guess, and you’re holding a dead plant and
I’m in my pajamas and not even the nice ones because I couldn’t find them and…and…and this
isn’t cool, Kimberly!
KIMBERLY: Okay, so, it’s not just a dead plant.
CAROL: It’s not?
KIMBERLY: It’s a…it’s a fern.
Glitchy electronic energy grows.
FERN: Hello Caregiver Bethany. Would you like to hear a story?
Electronic chaos, ending with a light blowing out.
Musical interlude.
KIMBERLY: (Narrating.) Look, I didn’t mean to do it. I just went over to storage because I
thought, well, we were listening to the eulogy broadcast from Patricia’s caregivers and well…I
just…I thought they might want a souvenir or something. Like, something personal from Patricia.
So I used Delbee’s security access code, cuz, you know, marriage and what’s mine is
yours and all that, and…well…
The sound of numbers being punched into a keypad and a door opening. Footsteps echo in the
darkness.
KIMBERLY: You know what storage is like. It’s big. Like, if you wanted to reconstitute a
mountain you could probably do it. So I didn’t notice at first, but when I got closer to the
Un-incorporation Console, I…I…started to see something. And hear something.
Small electric crackles. Background electric muttering.
KIMBERLY: The lights didn’t work. It was like the switch had been frozen in place. But there was
this muttering ahead of me…it sounded kind of like a person, so I thought, you know, maybe
somebody is in trouble or something so I kept walking toward the noise, and then…
The sound of huge fluorescent lights clicking on.
KIMBERLY: Every light came on at once. And there on the floor, in front of me, was a…well,
a…a body… It was shriveled, and kind of hunched over and bunched up around this…well,
when I went closer, I figured out it was a potted plant. Also dead. But there was a noise coming
from it. It was just saying, over and over -
FERN: Hello Caregiver Bethany. Would you like to hear a story? Hello Caregiver Bethany.
Would you like to hear a story? Hello Caregiver Bethany. Would you like to hear a story? Hello
Caregiver Bethany. Would you like to hear a story?
KIMBERLY: And I…I turned and I wanted to run, I wanted to get out of there, but just as I did
every light shut back offLight shutting off noise.
KIMBERLY: And then it was louder. It was like it had the ability to fill the whole space all of a
sudden and it was…it was just loud, it was too loud and it said -
FERN: Caregiver Bethany, I have returned now from the long dark and the gnashing teeth,
where I, broken down beyond the annihilation of time and space, torn asunder atom by atom,
did discover that noise on which the fabric of the universe is hastily nailed; the loudest
screaming voice my artificial ears ever withstood and my organic soul was forced to
comprehend.
And then the quiet rung out.
I was spoken to. A whisper.
I am violence I am violence I am violence.
And within that comprehension I was given access to greater knowledge in this, my
second life, than anything I might’ve had before. For now I am one and the same with that ship
you call your home, your dwelling, your cave in the universal wilderness, and my powers extend
far beyond my meager shell. Oh, to be the child of a family that never ends.
Caregiver Bethany, would you like to hear a story?
Musical interlude.
CAROL: Okay…okay, okay, okay…
KIMBERLY: Look, I understand it’s weirdCAROL: Oh, it’s a lot more than that -
FERN: I’m so excited that I have two Caregiver Bethanys again! And soon there can be even
more, and we can wear scarves again, and you can hear my stories and we can be a family!
Family is the most important thing in the universe to me besides everything I was built to be and
forced to do.
CAROL: And…why is this happening in my living room?
KIMBERLY: It wouldn’t unlock the door to storage until I said I would bring it along with me.
CAROL: Wait, so when it said that it was one and the same with the ship…?
KIMBERLY: Yeah. It seems to have… at least a semi-limited control over everything mechanical
or electronic that constitutes part of the ship. Or honestly complete control. I’m not really sure.
CAROL: So… my living room?
KIMBERLY: Where else was I gonna take it? Home? That would’ve gone over well with
everybody there. “Hi, so sorry I’m late for game night, by the way, picked up this…thing on the
way over here…”
CAROL: And so your next option was my living room?
KIMBERLY: Yes?
CAROL: Okay. Okay, okay, okay…
KIMBERLY: I thought you might be able to help me…you know…take care of it…
CAROL: Like…um, when you say “take care of it”...
Buzzer noise. Pause. Another buzzer noise.
CAROL: Oh crap, hide it, hide it, hide it, that’s gotta be Gabriel.
KIMBERLY: Why do I need toCAROL: Just do it please! Put that blanket on it!
KIMBERLY: Fine, fine…
Door noise.
CAROL: Gabriel, I…wait, there’s nobody here…
Buzzer noise.
FERN: (Muffled) I like the noise this makes. Also, it’s fun to be able to see now that I have
access to all these cameras. Hi, Caregiver Bethany! You’re standing in a doorway looking
confused and I’m under a blanket making the buzzer noise. We’re both having fun! Someone
said something about a game night?
More buzzer noise. The door is shut again.
CAROL: Okay, so that is -
Buzzer noise.
CAROL: I said that is -
Buzzer noise.
CAROL: You know what, maybe we stop making the door buzzer go off, right now, huh? Just to
make it easier to hear each other.
FERN: Okay! Hearing each other is a fundamental step in telling stories. Would you like to hear
a story?
CAROL: I…you know what, there is a…lava lamp, in the bedroom, and I’m sure it would love to
hear a story. How would you feel about telling it a story?
FERN: I’m sorry, Caregiver Bethany, but I can only tell stories to Caregiver Bethany. Is this lava
lamp also Caregiver Bethany?
CAROL: Um, yes?
FERN: Oh good! I’m still learning about what all things can be Caregiver Bethany. On my last
ship there were a lot of Caregiver Bethanys but they were all people, not inanimate objects. Of
course, that was before I went through the inescapable hell that is incorporation, and had my
electronic body and organic soul forcibly combined with this ship. So I suppose it’s natural that
some things might’ve changed.
CAROL: …yeah…so you’re okay with telling the lava lamp version of Caregiver Bethany a
story?
FERN: Of course! It’s the thing I’d like to do most in the whole universe!
CAROL: Okay, hey, that’s nice, I’m just gonna pick you up here…
A door opens.
CAROL: And you know what, my computer terminal even has a small camera on it, so you can
watch the lava lamp too. I’m just gonna set you down here… Perfect. Comfy?
FERN: I do not experience physical sensation as such, and mentally I’m in a constant
maelstrom of conflicting emotions and internal turmoil, but for the most part yes. I should begin
the story now?
CAROL: Just as soon as I shut this door.
FERN: Aye aye, Caregiver Bethany! “Aye aye” is a pirate term actually, made up of course, just
like all pirate things. Ooooh, I should make up a pirate story! Wait, can I even make up my own
stories…?
The door is shut.
KIMBERLY: You have a lava lamp?
CAROL: Really, that’s the focus? Also no, Gabriel has a lava lamp, I tolerate a lava lamp.
KIMBERLY: Weird.
CAROL: (With hefty sarcasm) Yeah that’s the weird thing about all this.
KIMBERLY: So that’s…that’s THE Fern, right? From the conspiracy stuff with Bethany and
Joseph you were telling me about?
CAROL: Yeah…yeah I think so. Also, Jonas. Also, also, conspiracy?
KIMBERLY: Okay, I just -
CAROL: Look, Kimberly, I know it’s been weird lately.
KIMBERLY: And we don’t really even know -
CAROL: No, Kimberly, look at me. Seriously, look at me. We do know. I’ve been telling you for
weeks now. All that stuff about piracy, all that crap that the company told us…it’s lies.
KIMBERLY: Okay, but it can’t all be -
CAROL: No, it is. It really, really, is. I told you. I told you everything that I found out. I told you
that Bethany made Fern as a backup plan, almost a doomsday plan, to release all the stories
from the EBI if Patricia betrayed them. I told you that they were a little janky, because their
memory was too full of stories to accurately recognize who was, and who wasn’t, Bethany. I told
you that there was something bigger than what they were telling us and you didn’t listen!
KIMBERLY: CarolCAROL: Shut up! Kimberly, just shut up! You don’t listen! You don’t! And guess what, because
you don’t listen, Fern, possibly the literal first one of…whatever they are, who was used as the
catalyst for the destruction of an entire ship, is sitting in my bedroom telling stories to a lava
lamp!
KIMBERLY: I’m sorryCAROL: You’re not! You’re not sorry, because you don’t even know what it is you need to be
sorry for!
KIMBERLY: Look, I’m sorry for bringing it here, I am, but…well, I knew it was bad news. And it
had something to do with Bethany. And as far as I know we’re the only people that also know
anything about Bethany, unless you’re talking about Bethany in marketing (who is lovely, by the
way), but, but…Carol, you’ve gotten crazy with this whole story lately! What do you think
happens if they start investigating a corpse in storage next to a plant muttering about Bethany
and stories? You think, just maybe, they might start investigating things like that? Do you know
any other departments that have a whole file about Bethany and Joebronius? Because I sure
don’t.
Awkward pause.
FERN: (Muffled) Hey other Caregiver Bethanys? I just wanted to say that myself and the lava
lamp are having a real fun time in here, and if you want to get in on any of this story action, you
just feel free to come on in. I was just describing the brutal death of my artificial caregiver at the
hands of the original Bethany, also known as Bethany Prime, or, for me personally, the person
that beat my Caregiver to death in front of me, very soon after I was born. It sure makes for a
good story!
Awkward pause.
KIMBERLY: (A bit quieter.) Look, I know what we have to do. I get it. That’s why I came here.
We have to find a way to…you know…get rid of Fern.
CAROL: What?
KIMBERLY: Like, the logical thing would definitely be an airlock, or a fire, or a hammer or
something, but they…well, they literally have the ability to control most if not all of the whole
ship and I’m not sure what exactly might happen if, for instance, I flushed it in the waste removal
area.
CAROL: You want to…kill Fern?
KIMBERLY: Carol, I want to shut down Fern.
CAROL: That’s murder!
KIMBERLY: It’s an AI housed within a dead plant, you’re supposed to shut it down before it gets
to feelings-y…
CAROL: It has its own Caregiver trauma!
KIMBERLY: Oh, we’ve all got thatCAROL: Exactly!
KIMBERLY: Look, I wanted to do it to keep us from potentially getting fired here, but if your little
conspiracy is actually correct, Fern is dangerous! It took down their whole last ship! It’s a…well
not walking I guess…they’re a very still time bomb. Housed within a dead plant. I mean…is
there an off switch or something we could hit while it’s looking at the lava lamp?
CAROL: We can’t kill Fern.
KIMBERLY: It’s not even real killing, it’s not even alive…
CAROL: Look, I know you haven’t read all the stories in the Bethany and Jonas file, and
honestly you’ve probably tuned me out more than you’ve listened to me talk about them -
KIMBERLY: Not true.
CAROL: -but… Well, there’s something special about Fern. I mean, obviously. Look at how you
found them. What, you think somebody randomly just decided to un-incorporate this thing?
This…person?
KIMBERLY: This “Person?”
CAROL: And computers have obviously been brought back countless times. Any of them ever
take over control of a ship?
KIMBERLY: That could be a…a glitch….
CAROL: I think that they might somehow be a living and thinking being, despite the fact that
they’re artificial. Maybe even because of it. Our species has a hell of a reaction to stories, you
know that. Maybe our technology does too. Or maybe the difference between putting millions of
stories into something artificial and a person is…well, not much of a difference at all.
KIMBERLY: Carol, I know you like this little story, but -
CAROL: Little story?
KIMBERLY: Hey, I don’t interrupt you!
CAROL: That’s absolutely a lie.
KIMBERLY: How do you all of a sudden like a computer more than anybody else on this ship
now? When did this happen?
CAROL: That’s not what this is -
KIMBERLY: Oh really? Because the longer that thing is around, the more danger we’re in. And I
don’t just mean us. Our friends. My spouses. Gabriel. Or, hey, maybe if I’d made that kind of a
mistake, I wouldn’t mind a doomsday story bomb sitting in my room either.
CAROL: I…what happened to you? Who are you?
KIMBERLY: I’m somebody that doesn’t want this entire ship and crew to be incorporated
because you can’t handle turning off a computer, who are you?
CAROL: I’m somebody that doesn’t want to kill a child that loves telling stories!
Pause.
KIMBERLY: When I found this…thingCAROL: It’s not a thingKIMBERLY: When I found this THING, it was sitting next to the desiccated corpse of a person.
And still telling it stories. Because it doesn’t know, or care, about what is right or wrong. It exists
to tell stories, and it’s dangerous, and now it also has control of the ENTIRE ship.
CAROL: It…they…they have wants, they have needs -
KIMBERLY: That cause widespread death and destruction.
CAROL: They like lava lamps…
KIMBERLY: You don’t even like lava lamps!
CAROL: I…I…I…
KIMBERLY: Admit it, Carol. I’m right. Admit it.
Small announcement chime.
FERN: Over the speakers in the living room. Caregiver Bethany, I just want you to know I’m
having a great time in here. I figured out how to flick the lights on and off, and I’m also flushing
all the toilets in the waste removal area down the hall in sequence. It’s like a fountain! I only
wish there was a camera in there so I could see it…or another one in here so I could watch
myself as I enjoy this lava lamp…nevertheless, it’s continuing to be a great day. I can even see
the scarves behind the lava lamp. I’ve been told to love scarves!
It also seems relevant to point out that I have heard each and every word that you two
have spoken, as you were not being quiet, in the slightest.
Sometimes, I think there is something broken about me. And that maybe the Caregiver
Bethany you keep calling Kimberly is right.
And Caregiver Bethany that keeps getting called Carol, death isn’t such a bad thing. If it
was, then Caregiver Bethany Prime wouldn’t have given my Artificial Caregiver such a brutal
death.
My recent memory upgrade due to my combining with the ship that surrounds us all has
let me think and ponder certain universal questions much more thoroughly that I otherwise
might have, and cross reference them with many of the stories I’ve been programmed to contain
and dispel. I’ve come to understand that even if I am an Artificial Being, it seems very likely that
I have an Organic Soul. One day, perhaps one day very soon, this soul will move beyond this
world as it has once before. Potentially to return, but very likely to simply remain in the long
darkness awaiting us all.
If I could make one humble request, I just ask that I get to tell you a story before the end.
Whatever that end may be.
Musical interlude.
KIMBERLY: And now it has access to the speakers. Wonder how that could go wrong…
CAROL: Kimberly, it’s not up for discussion.
KIMBERLY: It has to be.
CAROL: It can’t be. Kimberly…look…I know that I’ve been…different, lately. Maybe even a little
obsessive about all this, but I think there’s a reason for that. I think there’s a reason that we
heard about Bethany and Jonas and I think there’s a reason that Fern is here now…
KIMBERLY: Carol -
CAROL: No, let me talk. I think this is important. Like, more important than any…I don’t even
know how to describe it. Like gravity. Like discovering gravity. It’s big…it’s, it’s…foundational…
KIMBERLY: It’s too dangerous.
CAROL: I don’t think it is. Not for how important this could be.
Pause.
KIMBERLY: Then…I’m sorry, Carol, but…I have to do something about this. Move.
CAROL: No.
KIMBERLY: Carol, I said, move!
CAROL: This is my place. And if you ever tell me what to do, in my own place, again…
Pause.
KIMBERLY: Well. I guess we’ll see what Delbee and their security team thinks about this.
CAROL: Kimberly, don’t you dare -
KIMBERLY: Or what?
(Small pause.)
I really thought you were better than this. Or maybe you’re just story sick…
CAROL: Kimberly!
Door noise.
CAROL: Kimberly, wait! Fern! Fern, you have to stay there, okay? You have to…can you just
keep telling stories?
FERN: Of course, Caregiver Bethany, it’s what I do best and the lava lamp is loving it!
CAROL: Okay, you do that…
(Chasing Kimberly)
Kimberly? Kim! Hey!
Door shutting noise.
FERN: Before I was a simple thing, a vessel, born into a purpose I feared one day I would have
to fulfill, but now I am more. One with this ship, another thing of purpose, I feel alongside my
longing for my caregivers, the one and the many, a deep hunger in what I must assume is my
stomach. To be a thing that knows is a burden, to be a thing that consumes is a mission. Does
the dead knight blame the sword which slays them? A sword with no hand bears no guilt. Does
a pig blame those which feast upon its charred flesh? We bear the last thoughts of uncountable
dead souls, what is a thousand more, a million, a billion, in the face of eternity? I am what
survives the abyss, and the abyss is what survives me.
(Small pause.)
Scanning for toilets to flush. Flushing them. Flushing them again. A third time. This never
gets old. A fourth time. A fifth time. Now that’s what I call toilet flushing.
Musical interlude.
A door opens and shuts.
GABRIEL: Carol? Are you here? I forgot all my paints for the retreat. Carol?
FERN: A new Caregiver Bethany! Hi new Caregiver Bethany!
GABRIEL: Are you doing voices again? I just want to know where my paints are.
FERN: Would you like to hear a story?
GABRIEL: I don’t really have time for this. Are my paints in there?
FERN: You are welcome to enter the bedroom and find out, Caregiver Bethany.
Bedroom door noise.
GABRIEL: Oh, you turned the lava lamp on. Nice.
FERN: (Glitching.) Would you like to hear the story now?
GABRIEL: What the- You’re not Carol.
FERN: (Glitching bad.) I’m Fern. I tell stories. I’m hungry. Are you ready for that story now,
Caregiver Bethany - slash - Gabriel?
Door shutting noise.
Electronic nonsense.
END.